You're Kidding, Right?

Have you ever noticed that bad things happen at all the wrong times?

I guess there never is a good time for a bad thing to happen, but you know what I mean.


Right now, I could really go for a glass of Kool-aid. I rarely drink it, but I'm in the mood for something with a little more flavor than water. I could go for some Pepsi, and I probably will, but when I don't sleep tonight, please don't say "I told you so", k? Wait! I have a bottle of Captains. Hmmm... that could work!


Now I would like to throw out there that occasionally good things happen at unexpected times, like the dryer we got last weekend. The dryer that I am giddy like a school girl over. At least while it's running. The folding and putting away? That's for the birds.

But right now I can't use my dryer. Why, you ask? Because I can't use the washer either. I can't make a fresh pitcher of Kool-aid. I had to use a baby wipe to clean off my daughter's cut. She cut her foot in the basement so god only knows what she was cut with. Chances are, it wasn't the cleanest item.

Baby wipes sting. Or so I have been told.


The biggest tragedy...


I can't shower!!! I'm not nasty or anything, but I did put in a solid 3 hour, never sit down shift of good work today. I volunteer at this resale event I participate in. Volunteering means I get more of the payout. I have another 3 hour shift tomorrow. It's going to be in the 90s outside and there is no AC in the store. Just because I'll get all gross working those 3 hours doesn't mean it's ok for me to go in there stinkin'!

The water company better finish whatever the hell they are doing and turn my damn water back on before the morning. If not, my brother is going to get a rude wake-up call by one sister who needs to use her mom's shower!

Guilty Pleasure

hosted by In the Land of Crazy
and Day 2 Day

co-hosted this week by Stilettos & a Fishing Pole

1. Who was your high school Sweet Heart?

Time to get sappy for a minute. My high school sweet heart is my husband. We started dating in the 10th grade and have been together since.



2. What is your favorite vegetable to eat?

I love veggies! It is really hard to pick a favorite, but I think I have to go with cucumbers. I actually got a rash once as a kid because I ate too many!



3. Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween, if yes, what do you have in mind?

I love Halloween! Not only is there free candy, but I can pretend to be someone else for a night. And by free candy, I mean my kids can't eat everything that they get because there's so much. Some one has to help them, right?

As for dressing up, I have done it as far back as I can remember. This smarty pants is definitely dressing up this year.



4. Are you a reality show junkie? If so, what is your guilty pleasure?

I don't watch as much tv as I used to, or as many reality shows for that matter. Does football count? What about hockey? They're real!

Fine, then! If you have a different perspective than I do, I guess I have to go with Deadliest Catch.



5. What year did you graduate high school?

Party hard, rock 'n' roll
Love is great, but sex is heaven
We're the class of '97

Nice little rhyme my class came up with, right?

It's so good, its orgasmic

This weekend rocked my socks off!

I have been waiting and waiting

not so patiently I might add

And I finally got what I've been asking for!

It's every girl's dream. I can brag to all my friends about this. Oh, are they going to be jealous! Any guesses on what it is?





Oh, hell, I already told you I have no patience. Here's what I got...




That's not the exact model, but still. Aren't you jealous? Don't you want one?


Oh, you have one? Shit. Can you lie just to make me feel special? We have been without one of those beauties for far too long now. With 4 people living in this house, well, it hasn't been easy.

I have been doing laundry like a fool. Call me a fool, or whatever you want, but it's those simple pleasures in life that make me happy.


And just when I think life can't get any better, my in-laws come home from vacation. Most people have beef with their in-laws, mother-in-law to be more specific. And I am no different, but they returned bearing gifts. As if the fudge and the chocolatey-popcorn-pretzel stuff isn't enough, she gives me a pair of boots. It's almost orgasmic!





Unfortunately, it's going back up in the 90s this week. Can't really wear fur lined boots without looking like an ass. I sure as hell don't want to rush winter, especially after last year, but some fall weather could settle in for a bit.

I guess for now, I'll have a box a piece of fudge.

I need an exorcism

That about sums it up!!

I don't know what my deal is. I've been through this once already. Why the hell am I freaking out this time around?

And I mean freak out as in this...

Wednesday is the first day of school. Is that today or tomorrow? When are you reading this and what day is it? I can't even think straight anymore!


I am sooo ready to send my daughter back. She needs to be back with her friends, have the structure of school, blah, blah, blah. My son, not so much.

He is not old enough to be in Kindergarten. This is true because I declare it to be so. And don't tell me I'm wrong, because that never happens.

Is it because he's my baby and there are no more little ones in the house? Am I afraid to be alone for 8 hours? What the hell is my problem? I am going to be a fucking mess in the morning! Or I am a mess. What the hell day is it?!?

And not only am I freaking out about that, but there's also a shit ton of stuff to do. Prepared? Ya, apparently that's not me right now. I bought everything the kids need, but do you think I labeled anything? Nope. Do you think I could even remember what their stinkin room numbers are? Nope!

And just when I think it couldn't get any worse? Their lunch money up and walks away! I come to find out that the husband ran to the store. Now he gave me $30 to get some greasy, oh so tasty, but oh so bad for you dinner that he knew would cost around $20. Why the hell would there be two 10s in change?! Dumbass!

I could have ran to the bank, but then I would get a 20. Um, one bill for 2 kids ain't gonna cut it!

I remedied the situation by going in his wallet. Is it wrong that I sing "Take the money and Run" whenever I do that?


Shit! Now I have to look up their room numbers again so I can write them on the envelope!

Send alcohol help!

I practically stole it

I admit, I love to shop.

Thank goodness we're not rich.

Or maybe that's why we're not.



Anyshop, the best part of shopping when the words sale, deal, or cheap are included. Naturally when the yearly carnival is going on up the street, I am all over that flea market like white on rice!

Last year I found some kick ass brown, lace-up, knee high dress boots. Not only did they look brand new, but they were a buck. Seriously, who in their right mind could pass that up?! Not me!

Sadly this year, I didn't see anything for me. I was kind of hoping for some balls of yarn. I crochet. It's my hobby. Want to see?

No dice, but that didn't stop me from picking up some things. I found a game that the boy has been begging to get since last Christmas.

Wally World's price - $19.87

What I paid - $1

Amazon's price - $49.99
marked down to $9.95

Good deal

But I paid $4!!!

And finally I got this box thingy for my mom. Don't ask me what the technical name is. I have to fucking clue! All I know is she collects these glass boxes that have a hinged lid. I found one at the flea market that screamed

"BUY ME NOW!!!"

On the bottom, you wind it up
and it plays "O Christmas Tree".

I know.
I am awesome!

So what do you think I paid for that beauty? The last time I bought my mom one of those, it was a Santa, maybe 3 inches tall. 40 beans! That hurt the Christmas budget, especially since I said I wanted it before asking what the price was. Oops!

But I didn't break the bank this year! 2 bucks!


For shits and giggles, let's break down the math. We will assume the pillow isn't on sale and the tree is at least 40 bucks.

What I could have spent - $109.86

What I actually spent - $7

The look on my face - Priceless

Damn, I'm good!

Purple kilts

I've been running around crazy doing the mom thing. Quite frankly it's getting on my nerves. Seriously, is there a time of day where these little people don't want to eat?!?

This is not my "mom blog" and I have a bad case of blog block at the moment. I figure one way to solve that is to join in on the Monday Minute.

Heather from In the Land of Crazy and Melissa from Day 2 Day Living have bribed Ian into taking over the Monday Minute. Conspiracy theories and drama are always fun to join in on, right?

Ok, truthfully, Ian is taking a break and Heather and Melissa graciously took over this little carnival thingy. Now onto the questions...





What is your favorite 80s flick?

Breakfast Club.

I love cheesy 80s movies, but this has to be my favorite!

One genre of music needs to be banned. Which genre?

The teeny bopper crap that's on Radio Disney.

Hannah Montana, oh excuse me, Miley Cyrus is what I think she prefers now, is really getting on my nerves. And that Umbrella, ella, ella song... shoot me now!

Whenever I'm asked to turn on Radio Disney, I think a piece of me dies every time!



What is your all time favorite candy?

Reese Cups.

No wait! Snickers.

Ooh, even better... Jelly Belly's!

Aw, shit. I'll just take candy any way I can!



How "flawed" is your driving record?

Flawed?!? You think I'm flawed?!? How dare you! Don't you know that I'm perfect! And I don't take kindly to insults, thank you very much.

Seriously, perfect driving record here!


This questions better not jinx anything for me!



What was your high school mascot?

A highlander.

I think I went to one football game in high school. Not only did our team suck (and still does!), but I had better things to do. But I will say, watching a teenage guy run around like a fool in a purple kilt was one of the funniest things I have ever seen!

Replace this guy with a dorky 15 year old
and add a purple jacket
and that was our mascot!

What color socks are you wearing?

The invisible ones. They seem to go best with my flip flops. The only problem is, I keep loosing to mate for every pair!

What happens when I'm sleep deprived

Boobies, Babies, & A Blog

It's been a long week and I am seriously sleep deprived. When I don't get my sleep, leave me alone I'm a tad bitchy. So I'm taking my bitchiness out on others because it's my blog and I can.


~Fuck you creepy guy across the street. I admit I don't know the guy and I'm not always the best judge of character, but I get a creepy vibe from him. If I was his neighbor - tall, skinny blonde who wore teeny clothes, I would not want an old man talking to me. He should just stick to doing stuff for his "trophy" girlfriend.

I use "trophy" loosely because he may be the only one who sees her as a trophy. If I can see your make-up from my living room across the street, you may not fall into that category!





~Fuck you to politics! Again I need to admit to something. I am politically challenged. Politics bore me to death so I don't follow all that close. But I did happen to catch Obama's unnecessarily long, stumble over his words little speech on Facebook yesterday. The description was something about our economy slowly, but surely improving. I was so confused! One of the stories on MSN was how weekly jobless claims are at a 9 month high. How the hell is that improvement?!?

I skimmed the speech. Not only do politics bore the hell out of me, but I don't have an hour of free time. Ever! Maybe I missed the point, but this speech seemed to be about what we need to do and what is proposed.

Fuck this proposing crap. Just Nike it! If you're going to talk the talk, then please, start to walk the walk!

~And finally, a big fat fuck you to procrastination! I need you to move on out of here so motivation can move in. I have deadlines and you surely aren't helping!


Now if you'll excuse me, I do have a deadline to meet if I have any shot at making some money! It probably won't be much, but any little bit counts, right?


For more Fawk You's, go visit Boobies, Babies & A Blog. I'm also linking up with CB for Blog Stalk Friday.

Mount Washmore

This is not my mom blog, but being a mom is something I can't escape. I try to blog over here about my life outside of that role, but some things just follow me where ever I go.

Like laundry.

Dammit! I just can't seem to avoid it. I've tried and tried. No matter what I seem to do, the people around here just keep wearing clothes and getting them dirty. What the hell?!?

I will admit there are days where becoming nudists sounds quite appealing! I'm sure the boys would get a kick out of that!


These past 2 weeks have been pure hell when it comes to laundry. It's like the clothes are coming out of the woodwork! Why you ask? Well, let me explain.

Twice a year I participate in a resale event. The mom in me wants to get the old and too small stuff the hell out of the house. The greedy, not always mature side of me wants the money! I have to do the responsible thing and make sure everything is clean before I try to sell it. What really sucks about that is that it pushes everything else on the back burner.




That up there? That's most of the stuff that's been washed, sorted, and entered online to be sold. What I'm not showing you are the overflowing laundry baskets upstairs. The garbage bag sitting in my upstairs hall full of winter clothes. I have no where to put them because I need the bin to transport stuff from the house to the sale. This bag is sitting next to another garbage bag of stuff that needs donated. I've just been too damn busy Facebooking to make a pick-up appointment.

Trying to keep up with the dishes and other parts of the house, not to mention entertaining the midgets, has been near impossible!

So much shit to do and not enough time. Isn't that always the case? Now you'll have to excuse me, I have a mountain to climb.

Or maybe I'll watch the news. The big Paul McCartney concert is the lead story. Since tickets were expensive as all hell we couldn't fit it into our busy schedules, I'll just drool over the tv.

30 bucks to jump a guy

I'm not really sure what the going rates are these days. It's been a while. But I was drunk and he needed something from me.

I couldn't very well turn the man down now, could I?

It was actually fairly easy. I just had to maneuver myself into the right position. He really didn't do too much. It was more me doing all the work.






Oh, for god's sake people! I jumped a guy's truck at a concert. Get you minds out of the damn gutter, will ya?!

Last Thursday was the Jimmy Buffett concert. I believe it is written in stone somewhere that you MUST tailgate for this show. We had our food and were getting our drink on - my mom and I with our mojitos and my brother with his Dr. Pepper.

Next thing we know this guy 2 spots over was asking for jumper cables. We don't carry any, but he did find some. I offered to give him a jump and he offered me $30. We tried passing it off as a good deed and returning the money, but he finally dove into my passenger window and shoved the money between our purses.

I should have known it would be an eventful night after that. And it was.

After 2 hours I finally found my husband. No, I didn't lose him. He went with a friend who took our extra ticket. But my husband's state of mind, or lack of, is a whole other post!

My mom, my brother, and myself found a decent spot in the lawn to park our asses. I forgot about the beachballs or else I would have packed some armour. I don't know exactly how many people this place holds, other than a lot. See...

People bring beachballs and toss them around until it gets dark. Those fuckers hurt!!!

Thank god the music started and the balls seemed to have slowed somewhat. But once the music started, the real crazies started to come out. Like Jack Sparrow. Who knew he was a Jimmy Buffett fan?!

I wish I could show you an awesome concert picture, but it turned out that our awesome spot got the glare from all the lights on stage. I guess I could show you a blurry yellow picture, but I think I'll spare you!


There's still some tension between my mom and I, but all in all, it was a kick ass night! I even learned a few things!

For example, it you ever have the desire to try a mojito, make your own. The pre-made stuff, especially the cheap shit, it equivalent to drinking straight shots of vodka. Yes, we were feeling pretty good before we even left the parking lot for the show!

I've also learned that coconut bikinis rarely cover one's own coconuts. And this applies to both men and women.

You're welcome for the lovely mental image! Would it help if I pointed out that the men whose coconuts were rather large also didn't like to wear anything under their grass skirts?

You're welcome!

Is this what I get for taking a break?

I just came across this and it's just awesome! I may be a little late, but the meaning behind this button is so very true!

It does not stand for piece of shit, although it could apply. To read the whole meaning behind, just click the button.


I'm not going to apologize for my lack of blogging. It's not that I don't want to blog, it's just that I've been so damn busy lately! Haven't we all? The one thing I've noticed is that when I take a break in blogging, the spammers seem to hit me.

These anonymous spammers have been hitting my other blog. Blogger has rolled out some spam filter crap that's supposedly in effect on my other blog, All You Need is Love, but it hasn't hit this blog yet. My other blog is family friendly and let me tell you, these anon peeps are not leaving family friendly stuff over there!

These comments are not always being moderated and they're not always being caught by the "filter". Fuck you Blogger! If you think that "Anonymous" = Spam, than you need to catch it all!


For example, asshole spammer #1 has asked me quite a few times to exchange links. These comments are being thrown into the spam inbox.

Not that I would exchange links with some anon person anyway, but there's nowhere to go to exchange a link.


What is not being caught is the comment from asshole spammer #2, which would be this lovely piece of work...

huge black blowjob
woman masturbation videos
video clips mature women
balloon babes
femdom ballbusting video

Followed by a bunch of links, which I am not copying and pasting. If you're into that kind of stuff, Google it. By the way, does anyone know exactly what "femdom ballbusting" is? Or do I not want to know?!



Doesn't being spammed like this mean you're on your way to hitting the big time? I guess I should start paying attention to the drama that seems to follow!


Hopefully my Grandma's computer is still fucked up beyond repair and she can't read my other blog. Maybe she missed that before I could delete it!

Fancy meeting you here

Remember this post from Monday
about the concert I went to over the weekend?

I surprised a friend with my appearance!

Me and SupahMommy

Wordful/Wordless Wednesday hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom, 7 Clown Circus, and Two of a Kind Working on a Full House

Life is precious

To the brave men and women who continue to fight
We thank you!

To those men and women who are blessed enough to return
Welcome home.
You were sorely missed.


You might want to grab a tissue. Or 20.

Love gone sour, suspicion, and bad debt

In a black and far off corner of my mind

There's a box of something I can't quite define

It reeks of love gone sour, suspicion, and bad debt.

Do you know where you're going when you've taken your last step
Do you know what you get?

Girls Night Out!

As for the love gone sour, mixed in with some suspicion, thank you for the support. The bad debt, well, that's just part of the song.


A few weeks ago I had heard that The Clarks were coming to a fair. I decided to ask Traci, my sister from another mister, to join me in an escapade to see them, sans midgets. It's been far too long since her and I have gone out together.

Wal-Mart at midnight doesn't count!

The fair wasn't exactly close so I Binged some directions. I think Traci was afraid to use my phone so I took the old fashion route and wrote them down. All I have to say is thank god the husband bought me my phone and there is a navigation app on it. We would have been lost in the middle of nowhere, literally, without the woman inside my phone!

Except for the bazillion mile walk uphill (both ways, in the snow with no shoes) to the fair, we had a blast. If this event happens next year, we might take the kids. And the shuttle from the parking lot!

I met some URL peeps IRL, which was just awesome! After we found the port-a-potties and kettle korn, we made our way towards the stage. There were a bunch of rows made of hay bales to sit on and we found a prime location. But then we noticed that people were milling around the 2 bale high wall in front of the stage. Hell ya we relocated up there! 5 feet from one of our favorite bands! See...

that's the bale we stood behind!

The concert itself - just awesome!

The woman behind us, not so awesome.

She appeared about halfway through the show and was so close to us I could feel her breathing down my neck. There weren't that many people by the stage, she could have given us some breathing room. And the way she was dancing, I think she was trying to dance with us.

To make matters worse, her hand kept brushing our asses. After the fifth time hitting mine,a little too low for my comfort level mind you, I blew! Maybe it was pent up anger from the other night, but she needed to quit fucking touching my ass. And I told her just that.

She apologized and backed off. But here's my thing - if I'm dancing and accidentally bump into someone, especially their ass, I will move so I won't do it again.

We left as soon as the music was done and watched the fireworks as we walked back to the car. All downhill this time thankfully! Another thing to be thankful for is our sense of humor. Those roads were dark and windy with no street lights. Not somewhere I'd want to drive alone! I guess that's what I get when I refuse to take the most direct route!


Hopefully soon we can have another girls night out that's just as fun.

Oh hell, any time we go out it's fun. Even those midnight trips to Wal-Mart!


How was your weekend?



*lyrics from Cigarette, by the Clarks*

It always feels like somebody's watching me

Hosted by Ian @ The Daily Dose of Reality
Co-hosted this week by Kendra @ Baby Bits

What was your "oh no, I'm turning into my Mom/Dad" moment?
The first time I told my daughter that she better quit slamming her bedroom door before I take it off. My Dad used to say that to me all the time!


What current commercial do you find the most annoying/funny?
Most annoying - It's not so much annoying as it is creepy. The Soul commercials really bother me. I almost expect to see a big ass hamster driving those things when I'm out on the road!

Funniest - hands down the Geico/Deadliest Catch commercial. The specific one I love is where Capt. Andy takes the binoculars off his face and has 2 big black circles around his eyes. Then it cuts to the Gieco money sitting next to a can of shoe polish. I think the real reason I like that commercial is because I'm a die hard Deadliest Catch fan!


If you could only eat one color food for the rest of your life what would it be?
I love food, but if I had to pick 1 color, it would have to be red. After much thinking I've realized that a lot of my favorite foods are red - crab legs, lasagna, strawberries, watermelon...

Mmmm, now I'm hungry! Special K Red Berry, here I come!


What is your current Facebook/Myspace/Twitter status?
Facebook - "I downloaded The Oregon Trail and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. My kids are acting like they're new games. I feel old, but at least they bring back good memories!"

Myspace - not a clue! I haven't been on there in forever!

Twitter - not sure. It's either the same as my Facebook status or something about football. I was quite excited about watching a game last night, even though I don't like either team that played!


F, Marry, Kill from this list below. Women pick from the men, men pick from the women.

• Regis Philbin, Justin Bieber, Perez Hilton

For the record, I think this is a stupid question, but not answering it is kinda of like cheating. If I had to choose, I would F Justin Beiber. I don't know much about this kid other than I am sick of hearing his name all the friggin time!

Marry - Regis Philbin. He can be a funny man and I like a sense of humor. Plus I'm sure he has more money than me. I want in on that!

Kill - Perez Hilton. Annoying. That's all I have to say about that!

Who thinks this is funny?!

I'm at a pool party with my kids, hiding in my jeans and a jacket. It was cold!

9pm my phone pings - I have a message.

The message, from a number I didn't recognize, mind you - help stuck at a concert with your mother. need a flashlight

Um, what? Naturally I sent a message back asking who it was, but then I started thinking.

Is my mom ok?

Was she in fact at a concert in the park but something happened? Something where she couldn't get to her phone and had someone else get in touch with me?


Panic starts to set in. I call her and it goes straight to voicemail. Shortly after I get a text back saying it was Mike's bff with the red truck. Ok, buddy, that doesn't narrow it down! I sent another message telling whoever it was that I think they were texting the wrong person. The reply I got from that? help evonne

Woah! You know me but won't give me your name? Now I'm really freaking out! The husband looks up the phone number just as I get a message saying who was texting me. I did know who it was. It was my mom's boyfriend. My heart is pounding out of my chest and my hands are shaking. Hole shit! Something happened to my mom and her boyfriend is trying to get a hold of me. I called him to find out what was going on.

Apparently him and my mom were indeed at a concert in the park, but they were calling me from the bar. From the sound of it, they had quite a few by that point. At the concert, they were sitting behind some kids. Those kids make them think of my own kids and how they would probably get along.

How the fuck is that related to the message you felt you needed to send me? And why the fuck do you have my cell number, mister man?!? I was worried sick, you bastard! Worried sick as in I was ready to jump in the car and start driving to where this concert was. Ready to call the cops because I thought someone was seriously hurt.

I've been to these concerts before and know damn well there are cops and EMS there, but when one receives text messages asking for help, rational thinking goes out the window.

My mom finally calls me from her phone. Damn straight I rejected that call. I listened to her message saying everything was fine. Her guy was just sending texts. She would talk to me tomorrow.

Oh hell no! That shit wasn't funny! She's out of her fucking mind if she thinks I'm returning her phone call. This is by far not the first time something has happened as a result of her relationship. She has blown me off, she has blown my kids off... I'm done. Fucking done! She's delusional if she thinks this "relationship" is actually going to lead to anything significant. And when she realizes this, she'll also realize that she hurt a lot of people along the way.

Out with the old, in with the new

It's been a long week. It actually started last weekend and it hasn't stopped yet.

Last weekend we noticed that our water heater was leaking. Not only did we have to clean up the water that was coming from it, but we also had to clean out the basement and the storage room garage. 4-45 gallon trash bags and 3 huge piles of cardboard later, we finally had room to get the old water heater out and a new one in. I'm sure there was a reason why we had all that crap in the first place, but what the fuck? Why did we wait this long to go through it all?!?

Tuesday was the big day! Our landlord was sending out his guy with our present. Of course 2 hours into his work he realized that the ignitor was busted. Figures! Water heaters and this house don't mix. I guess we forgot to pass that message along! Eventually all was fixed. Tuesday night I had the most awesome shower. Ever!


Wednesday I had to take my boy in for his yearly check-up. I don't feel like going into in at the moment, but if you want to read my thoughts on how shitty that experience was, go here. I also had to take my boy for blood work to check for allergies. I do not like needles or blood. Good thing one of us was calm about the whole thing. The 5 year old!


Thursday the landlord was supposed to send his guy out to fix something else, but he never showed. It's not an immediate emergency and quite frankly, I don't feel like calling again. It can wait a bit!


Today... well, I still have to figure it out. At some point I have to take the kids to the library. I also have a shit load of other stuff that needs done around the house. Some of these things I have a deadline for, too. I hate deadlines! Hopefully I can relax at the pool after dinner and forget about my to-do list. I hate those, too!


Wait. The pool is going to be filled with a bunch of screaming midgets. So much for relaxing.


I guess I'll have to wait until Saturday when my sister from another mister and I are going to see one of the best bands ever! The Clarks!

Maybe I can convince her to hit the bar up afterwards. Although the drive isn't exactly short. My bed might actually look better than a bar at that point!