I'd congratulate myself, but...

There are many things in this world I will never understand. Some I try to learn more about, while others there is no hope for understanding. One of those things I will never understand is why some people do not think before they speak. Or in this case, type.

I understand that many things, especially online, can easily be taken out of context. What one person meant as a joke another takes as an insult. I also understand that people are curious and ask questions they do not find inappropriate in the slightest. And these are the people who do not understand that all of one's friends will read what you post on their Facebook page.

This past weekend, my family and I went to see the Nuclear Cowboyz motocross show. We had a fantabulous time. I'll share more about that another time (or you can read my review here <--shameless plug!). During the intermission I was using my phone to browse Facebook. I noticed that a friend had posted to my wall. Usually this means I've been invited to XYZ group that I have no interest in, but I clicked over to see what she had to say anyway. This friend was wishing me a happy upcoming birthday. That was the cherry that topped off the night!'

The following morning I logged onto Facebook. I noticed that someone else had posted on my wall. Noticing who posted on my wall made me shake my head and think "Now what?" This lady is a former coworker. She is sweet as pie, but has no filter and can be thick as a brick at times. I wondered if maybe it was her telling me about our grocery store having some new flavor of ice cream on sale. Yes, she has posted that kind of stuff before.

I click over to my wall when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a happy birthday message and a puzzling question... "when is #3 making an appearance?"

Wait, what? I'm pregnant?! I wish someone would have told me. Oh, wait, this friend just did! I would congratulate myself, if it wasn't for the fact that I am NOT expecting. Nor do we have any plans of adding to our family.

Perhaps because her daughter just had her third child and both of our oldest two are the same ages, she expected me to also be ready to add another bundle of joy. Or perhaps, like the diaper companies who like to send me free samples, she has some misconception about who is expecting and who is not. Um... I'm in the NOT category.

Now don't get me wrong, I have no problems discussing whether or not we are expanding our family, but I prefer to have that conversation face-to-face. Or, apparently, on my blog. But just coming out and asking me on my Facebook wall? That rubs me the wrong way.

Yes, I could have deleted the post, but I replied to set the record straight. I was waiting to see if she would reply to my reply, but so far, no dice. Also, I just deleted a comment from this friend on a recent picture I posted. I felt a little guilty.

When it comes to your family size, how do you handle people questioning it at the wrong time or place?

Completely unrelated - I may have a bit of a Facebook addiction!

I am a hollow reed

Trouble blows through me like the wind.

A friend and I would say this all the time, but mostly when we were teenagers, standing in line for the newest roller coaster that was really fast and turned you upside down.

Being a hollow reed is a good motto to live by. When things get tough, stop and breathe. Relax and your troubles will flow out like the wind through that reed.

But lately things are different. My reed seems to be getting clogged. At times I'm not even sure a light breeze would flow through it.

Some days are fine, but others are not. On those bad days, I feel my world is closing in. One task is due this day, another is due that day. Homework needs checked, laundry needs done. Holy shit the kids need to back up out of my face because, oh my god, I need to find something nutritious for my family to eat for dinner!

A long, hot shower used to isolate me from it all and grant me the time I needed to refocus. That no longer works. My crochet projects that I wold work on every night to soothe my mind and calm my nerves - I am slowly losing the desire to finish any project I have started. This leads to nagging by a child if the project is for them. And that leads to more clenched knuckles and visions of red.

At first I thought it was adding a new job to my already full plate. It was a new task so naturally that must be the straw that's about to break my back. But it's not. I absolutely love my job as a Macaroni Kid publisher. I have an amazing group of women I can go to for support and my partner who started the newsletter for our area is nothing short of amazing. Like me, she knows the work that needs done. She also understands that having families can make those deadlines a bit more flexible.

Since it's not my new job, perhaps it is Girl Scouts that is starting to burn me out. With new books and new badges, it's a learning process for us all. The troop is small, but don't let those girls fool you. They can be quite trying. I'm not a big drinker, but something with an umbrella sounds very appealing after I return home from a meeting.

If it's not Girl Scouts, perhaps it's family things. I hate the house we live in, but it's anything but easy to just pick up and move. Paying for mistakes from our pasts is something we must do, and we are, but it is trying. The brakes squealed on the car yesterday. Does this mean we need to put off new glasses for me or replacing my computer for yet another month?

Are things as bad in reality as they are in my head? Probably not. But having too many things on my plate and constant dialogues running through my head reminding me what needs done makes it feel really bad.

I am stuck at a crossroads. I know I need to take a new path. One not riddled with anxiety. I also know I can't take everything on my plate with me down that path. But what needs to stay behind?

I need to find a way to let that breeze once again flow through my reed.

Pour your heart out