Top 9 Christmas Songs

Because I can't think of a tenth. So sue me- I've been busy.

I love Christmas as much as the next person. I also love Christmas music. As long as it isn't played until after turkey day! Yesterday, KLZ from Taming Insanity posted a list of her top 10 Christmas songs. She listed some of my favorites, but it inspired me to make a list of my own.

With a twist of course. Enjoy!


1. The Grinch- because no one can be holly and jolly 24/7






2. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas- Um... who wouldn't want that?






3. Dominick the Donkey - Hee Haw






4. 12 pains of Christmas - I may have quoted this song when putting lights outside last week






5. Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear






6. Christmas at Ground Zero - you can't have Christmas without some Weird Al!






7. Nuttin for Christmas - what my kids might get if they don't shape up!






8. The Chanukah Song - I can't forget my Jewish friends out there






And finally, Trans-Siberian Orchestra aside, my all time favorite Christmas song. Make sure your kids aren't within earshot, k?


9. Ho Ho Fucking Ho






What's your favorite Christmas song, funny or otherwise?

Led Zeppelin, alive and touring?

Led Zeppelin - that's the band I went to see the other night. At least according to the Subway employee.

It has become a tradition to stop at a particular Subway for dinner when we head out to see a favorite band at our favorite concert venue. While waiting in line, a customer not from my party asked an employee if there was a concert that night. He was probably suspicious due to the higher than normal amount of traffic driving through Middle of Nowhere Town. The employee ever so nicely answered this man's question. There was a concert on this night in question and the band playing was Led Zeppelin.

Luckily me and my crew weren't quite as clueless and were able to avoid the disappointment at the ticket window once we arrived at the concert venue. Although we all like Led Zeppelin, the four of us were really looking forward to...




The husband and I went to watch Def Leppard last year and it's quite possible that it was one of the best shows I have ever seen. Not only do I love their music, but their stage show was fucking awesome!

A few months ago, when I heard the announcement that they were coming back, I begged and pleaded for the husband to buy tickets. When I mentioned the concert to my brother and sister-from-another-mister, drool spilled from their mouths as they asked to join us.

It would have been an awesome show without them, but those three people made the whole night that much better. I haven't laughed like that in a long time and my throat still hurts from all the talking, singing, and screaming.

I also need to thank my brother, again, for being so prompt in paying us back for his ticket. Because of him, I was able to purchase the t-shirt in the picture above. I also made another purchase, but it's only for the eyes of my husband. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*


So if you ever want to go see one of the best concerts ever, I highly suggest Led Zeppelin, er Def Leppard!

I worry, even when I don't have to

A night out with friends. I am ready to go. I wave to my kids as we drive away.

I wonder what they will do while we are gone.


From the passenger window I watch the fields pass by as we head down the highway.

I wonder if my son is still watching the bulldozers digging up Grandma's street.


We stop at Subway for dinner. Five dollar footlongs for all!

I wonder if my kids are eating their pizza. It's not from our usual pizza shop.


We arrive at the concert site and quickly open our beers. We chat as we watch those around us stumble to the ground.

I worry about what my kids are doing. Are they fighting? Did someone fall? They are quite clumsy.


We make our way in to hear a favorite singer. The music is loud as we sing along.

I worry my kids are watching too much tv. Did they choose a show not allowed in our home?


The music is over. We find our way back to the car. Traffic was light in the direction we chose. The back roads are dark, but they have an advantage.

I worry that my kids are still awake. It is much past their bedtime, and they don't like the dark.


From the passenger window I watch the fields pass by as we head down the highway. The fields that were once covered in sun are now peppered with the gentle glow of fireflies.

I worry about my kids, but I know they are safe. They are surrounded by family and I by my friends. We will always be there to keep each other safe.






*to answer the question as to what my kids chose to watch- let's just say my 5 year old now knows the theme song for Cops!*

Rockin' with my knight in shining armor

Mommyfriend Lori and Tina from Life Without Pink have teamed up to create Project Marriage- an interactive love movement designed to get back to the simple joys of marriage and the love that brought you there.

This month's challenge was to not only have a date night, but to avoid talking about the kids while on your date. The date part was easy. My sister-from-another-mister, the husband, and I had been planning out last Wednesday night since May, when Kid Rock announced he was coming to town. At first I was worried about not talking about the kids. It's something I love to do. But once the alcohol entered the picture, the kids were the furthest thing from our minds!




Sheryl Crow was also touring with Kid Rock, but we weren't interested in her. We chose to empty our cooler of tasty beverages while she played her show. We talked about things going on in our lives now as well as things from the past.

While we were talking, we realized that alcohol can be an ugly thing. When Mike's Hard anything claims to have a punch, the advertisers aren't kidding. Mike kicked my ass! But just when I thought I had it bad, we noticed a couple making their way to the venue. The girl was up against it! She could barely stand let alone walk. Security quickly swooped in to check on her, followed by the police. Once they showed up, her man bolted! Glad I wasn't her on so many levels!


Once Sheryl had played a good number of songs, we decided we should make our way in. We found a spot on the lawn where we had a good view and could be easily found if any of us had to leave for a drink or bathroom break.

Before we knew it, Journey was being played. Once we heard "born and raised in South Detroit", we knew the show was about to start. The next few hours were full of screaming, singing, and dancing. I'm honestly surprised any of us had a voice by the end of the night. Especially after Bawitdaba. Flames were flying on the stage and Kid Rock revealed all of his sexiness by taking off his shirt.


By the final song, Born Free, I realized that the three of us had sobered up for the most part, but that wasn't the case for other people there. I was trying to get a video of that last song because the pyrotechnics were just awesome. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a man. He was so nicely waiting for me to finish before walking in front of me.

When I lowered my phone, he came over to talk to me. I don't remember much of what he said because it was loud, but I did mange to catch "computer", "face page", and "tree house". This was when the husband swooped in to make him move.

The guy began to shake my husband's hand as more gibberish spewed from his mouth. He obviously had no interest in leaving us alone. Since he refused to listen to my husband telling him to move along, the husband knocked his beer out of his hand and pushed him away. Thank goodness for my knight in shining armor because that was the one and only time of the night where the cops were no where to be seen!


Minus a few bumps in the road, which are par for the course, the night was amazing. Just like with the 2 previous times I've seen Kid Rock, his show was exhilarating. Seeing him with 2 of my favorite people made it so much better. I can't wait until our next concert experience in August.


I would like to point out that my friend also has a child. We all managed to make it through the night without talking about any of our kids. Until we got back to my mom's house and found my son sleeping under her boyfriend's feet!

Open letter to iTunes

Me and iTunes, we don't always get along. It's not very often that I buy music, but I do subscribe to a podcast for the midgets.


Quick shoutout to Night Light Stories! If you have your own midgets, go check out their stories!


When I hear there's a new story, I get all kinds of excited. A new story grants me at least 15 minutes of quiet in the car.

I launch iTunes, hook up my pretty pink iPod, and download the new story. It's a quick 20 second process, but then I have to sync my iPod. Here is where the problems start.

One of 2 things always happens. Either the new story isn't added to my iPod, or it is, but all the other stories are deleted. If the latter happens, then I have to resync all the stories, which takes no less than 3 tries. Every time.

For my birthday last month, the in-laws got me a gift card for iTunes. I was looking forward to listening to some old school Madonna, but I was not looking forward to the process of getting her from my library onto my iPod.

So....


Dear iTunes,

Fuck you, ok. Fuck. You. I should have known that this would not be easy when you decided to go as slow as molasses in the dead of winter. After a 30 minutes search, I finally find my songs of choice and began to make my purchases. After Vogue, you thanked me (how polite), but then asked if I wanted to Ping my friends. First off, what the hell is that? Second, no. I clicked your little box asking to not ask me that after every purchase.

Why did you feel the need to ask if I wanted to Ping my friends after Like a Prayer? And Material Girl? And This Used to be My Playground? I said no. You want Ping, I'll show you some ping. Right upside you head!

After another 15 minutes, my 8 songs are purchased and sitting happily in my library. Time to sync. *cringe*

The simple thing would have been to check the little box next to my songs and click on sync. I guess since the latest updates, that's not an option anymore? I clicked sync and thought I was doing everything right. I double check my iPod and there is no Madonna on there. What the hell?!?

5 tries later and voila! Madonna! Unfortunately in this process, a previous purchased album was no longer on my iPod. The next 30 minutes were spent trying to get that album back on my iPod. I tried to authorize my computer about as many times as I entered my password. How many times that was, I'm not sure. But it was a lot. I finally had to give up so I could go do the mom thing.

After dinner I spent another hour authorizing, entering my password, yelling, and crying. I purchased this album. Why can't I listen to it, you bastards?

Please fix this problem. I really don't want to go through this again when I want to spend the rest of my gift card.

Sincerely,
Me


ps. I would like to retract this letter because it turns out the problem all lays upon the husband. Had I known all I had to do was use his password, I wouldn't have spent 2 hours pulling my hair out. Damn him!

The post where I sound selfish

Like most families, we have our own set of traditions for the holidays. One of those holidays involves traveling to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve. We've been doing this since I was a little girl of 6 when my parents got married.

It started as going to my Grandparent's house and my aunt and uncle would come in from out of town. Like most people, my grandparents aged and retired. They moved south and the tradition was reversed. To my aunt and uncles house we would go with my grandparents coming in from out of town.

There are 6 kids and we are all now grown. Some of us have families of our own, some are still in college and some are just out f college trying to make a life of their own. With our growing families and changing financial situations (let's face it, most college or just out of college kids are broke), our gift giving ways have changed.

A few years ago we adopted to joys of the grab bag. Only the adults participated and we all bought for the little kids. At the time, my 2 were the only kids. My daughter's birthday is in November and at her party we would draw names.

This year was different. And I'm not sure if this is a change I like.

When my mom asked my aunt about drawing names she said something was brought to her attention. One of her own children suggested we only buy gifts for the kids. The kids would be my 2 and my cousin's little boy. That meant us and my mom only had to buy for one person. Score! Or so I thought.

As in previous years, we traveled over to their house for a lovely dinner. Turkey, cranberry sauce, cinnamon Jell-o, potatoes, rolls, the works. After dinner we put on our fancy clothes and head to church. I have 2 issues with going to church. First, I was raised Catholic and the church we go to Christmas Eve is Lutheran. Second, I am not a religious person. I'm not saying I don't believe, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I do believe. But that's a post for another time. I will say that their pastor is an amazing speaker and singing Silent Night to nothing but an organ and candle light is nothing short of beautiful.

We return to their house, take the obligatory family photo, eat a few cookies, and pass out gifts.

I loved being there since I don't have the chance to see my cousins much anymore, but something just felt off. I kept my comments to myself until I spoke with my mom the following day. We both agreed that they all bought gifts for each other . We both realize that, no matter what you believe, Christmas is much more than presents, but we also felt jipped. It's important to go over there for the sake of my brother. He is the only one who is related to them by blood. Keeping him involved in that side of the family is important, but at the same time were we really welcome there? Or was the invite out of necessity?


I'm really not looking for any answers because I'm not sure if there is one. As we all get older we lose contact with certain people. It almost feels like this is becoming one of those situations. It could also be nothing except a change. I don't always deal well with change and maybe that's why I feel off about the whole thing. If you read this far, thanks. I really appreciate you listening to me rambling on. If you have opinions, I would love to hear them.

Meery Christmas to all

We all have our own ways of celebrating the holidays. Some are religious and focus on that side of Christmas, while others focus on spending time with family. Some are all about the gifts, but I hope the majority of that group is all under the ripe old age of 10.

Some go all out for Christmas, while other don't. Or can't.

We all have our own way of celebrating and no matter how you do it, I hope you enjoy every minute of it.

Merry Christmas to all

And to all a good night

Is Christmas really magical?

Christmas can be a magical time of year.

The houses all adorned with beautiful displays of lights. The radio stations play all of your favorite Christmas songs. If you're lucky and live in the right part of the country, you may just wake to freshly fallen snow on Christmas morning. Christmas is a time to spend with family, enjoying good company and good food.

This may all be true, but after the age of 10, Christmas really isn't all that magical. My house may have a beautiful tree



but getting to that point was almost not possible. I about pulled out all of my hair trying not to have the midgets break all of the ornaments. As you can tell by the lovely quality of the picture, even my camera was tired of trying to get in the mood.


The radio stations? I really do love hearing certain songs, but let's face it. Some Christmas songs are just down right weird. Like "Santa looks a lot like Daddy". I'll make sure the midgets listen to that song!


As for freshly fallen snow? I don't care how beautiful it looks. It sucks! When you're 30-some years old, it is no longer fun to bundle up and play in the snow. You want me to go sled riding with you? It's cold out there! Hell no! I'll watch you from the window of the nice warm dining room, thank you very much!

And after last year



I'm happy to never see snow again! Although Mother Nature apparently disagrees with me. Bitch!


I remember as a kid being so excited that Christmas was almost here. Looking at it from the end of a parent, it's not so exciting. The excitement inside those little bodies of my midgets is slowly killing me. Right now I will gladly let them watch tv or play on the computer all day if it means I can have some peace and quiet. The holiday break next week may very well be the end of me!

Did you notice I left out the part of what it's like to spend time with family as an adult? That was on purpose because we all realize what our families are like. Even if you think you have a great and perfect family, there's always 1 in there that screws everything up!

All I have to say is I may very well indulge in some beers when I'm at my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve. I'm not a beer drinker, but all this "excitement" might lead me to do it.

I need to up my mood

Last night I had to do a mom thing. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life. I love doing things to stay involved in their lives. But sometimes I just want someone to shoot me.

This particular mom thing involves me being one of the leaders of a Girl Scout troop. Have you ever had the pleasure of being in the company of a 9 year old girl? It's really not that bad. Now add 8 more girls of the same age. I think a stay in hell would be more pleasurable than that!

I have never wanted to tell someone else's child to shut the fuck up so much in my entire life! I think I actually bit the tip of my tongue off trying to restrain myself.

Thank the stars we made in home in one piece. Trust me when I saw that truly is a Christmas miracle. I desperately needed something to calm me nerves and up my mood. I figured I had 3 options~

1. Drink. Heavily!

2. Eat the Hershey bars that were sitting in the candy bowl.

3. Listen to my pissed-off-put-me-in-a-better-mood music.

Once I weighed my options, there was only 1 solution. Only 1 because I don't drink beer, and that's what is in our fridge. And me eating those delicious chocolate bars would only result in more screaming from little people. That leaves option number 3.

Being the Christmas season and all, I figured I'd turn to one of my favorite holiday songs.

Happy Holidays

I realize that my past few posts haven't been the most uplifting. I was in my thinking place and quite often it helps to put it all out there and get some other perspectives. To those who left me your thoughts and opinions, I thank you.


Now moving on...

This is supposed to be a joyful time of year, full of love and smiles. I would like to share with you one of my favorite sights that always puts a smile on my face.


My favorite Christmas commercial...

For those unfamiliar with where I'm from,
the commercial is from a local restaurant.

And for those of you who celebrate Hannukah. Chanukkah? Um, is there really a right way to spell it? Anywho, happy Hanukkah!

I need it and I can't have it

Why is it that you never truly want something until you can't have it. Even better than want, you need it! Right now!


This weekend is going to be one of those weekends.

What I want, what I truly need, won't even be in this state. My lover will be 467.77 miles away.

There will be no strutting around in a gorgeous pair of sleek, knee-high black boots. The kind that have just enough of a heel to make your ass look nothing short of perfect. No parading around in that cute little tee. Music? Movies? Won't need them. Ice cream and hot fudge? I may get them, even if I'm not in the mood for them.

4 days. That's what I have to wait before I can get what I want. I am not a patient person! When I want something, I want it now. I am really not happy that I can't travel 467.77 miles to get what I need. In fact I'm downright pissed off about it!

The husband is in Chicago and won't return until Monday night. This is going to be a long, long weekend!



You do realize I'm talking about shopping, right?



Maybe

Red hair and vacuums

It's free therapy day over at Kmama's place. Life is never complete without some sarcastic thank you's!





Dear Mother Nature~ Thank you very much for the big disappointment. You gave quite a build up Tuesday causing the weathermen to declare thunderstorm, wind, and tornado warnings. Delivering with nothing but a steady rain all damn night? Not cool! Although you did grant me some pretty good photo ops. Check them out here!

ps. Don't take this the wrong way, Mother Nature. I still love you! My frustration at the moment does not mean you need to turn into a psycho bitch and dump a shit load of snow on us again come winter!


Dear expensive Dyson vacuum~ Thank you very much for breaking. Thankfully we didn't shell out the crazy amount of money to bring you in to this house, as you were a gift (thank you in-laws!), but not lasting a year before you fall apart? Again, not cool! Fortunately we can buy the parts and fix you ourselves, but I'm still not happy about the whole melting/stinking up my house thing!


Dear midgets~ Thank you very much for destroying any hope I had of having grandchildren (in the very distant future!!). The song you were singing last night made me very sympathetic, and down right worried, about any kids you may have. Again, in the VERY distant future!

By the way, the words of the song are not "Hit MY baby one more time".


And finally...


Dear school~ Thank you very much for red ribbon week, aka say no to drugs week. It has been really fun dressing my kids in certain colors or crazy outfits, but why did you have to do crazy hair day? Crazy hat day was just fine with me. I have a feeling the red hair spray will stain my son's head. I don't see a haircut for him any time in the near future! Unless he does it himself. Again. Maybe I should hide all the scissors. Again.

30 bucks to jump a guy

I'm not really sure what the going rates are these days. It's been a while. But I was drunk and he needed something from me.

I couldn't very well turn the man down now, could I?

It was actually fairly easy. I just had to maneuver myself into the right position. He really didn't do too much. It was more me doing all the work.






Oh, for god's sake people! I jumped a guy's truck at a concert. Get you minds out of the damn gutter, will ya?!

Last Thursday was the Jimmy Buffett concert. I believe it is written in stone somewhere that you MUST tailgate for this show. We had our food and were getting our drink on - my mom and I with our mojitos and my brother with his Dr. Pepper.

Next thing we know this guy 2 spots over was asking for jumper cables. We don't carry any, but he did find some. I offered to give him a jump and he offered me $30. We tried passing it off as a good deed and returning the money, but he finally dove into my passenger window and shoved the money between our purses.

I should have known it would be an eventful night after that. And it was.

After 2 hours I finally found my husband. No, I didn't lose him. He went with a friend who took our extra ticket. But my husband's state of mind, or lack of, is a whole other post!

My mom, my brother, and myself found a decent spot in the lawn to park our asses. I forgot about the beachballs or else I would have packed some armour. I don't know exactly how many people this place holds, other than a lot. See...

People bring beachballs and toss them around until it gets dark. Those fuckers hurt!!!

Thank god the music started and the balls seemed to have slowed somewhat. But once the music started, the real crazies started to come out. Like Jack Sparrow. Who knew he was a Jimmy Buffett fan?!

I wish I could show you an awesome concert picture, but it turned out that our awesome spot got the glare from all the lights on stage. I guess I could show you a blurry yellow picture, but I think I'll spare you!


There's still some tension between my mom and I, but all in all, it was a kick ass night! I even learned a few things!

For example, it you ever have the desire to try a mojito, make your own. The pre-made stuff, especially the cheap shit, it equivalent to drinking straight shots of vodka. Yes, we were feeling pretty good before we even left the parking lot for the show!

I've also learned that coconut bikinis rarely cover one's own coconuts. And this applies to both men and women.

You're welcome for the lovely mental image! Would it help if I pointed out that the men whose coconuts were rather large also didn't like to wear anything under their grass skirts?

You're welcome!

Fancy meeting you here

Remember this post from Monday
about the concert I went to over the weekend?

I surprised a friend with my appearance!

Me and SupahMommy

Wordful/Wordless Wednesday hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom, 7 Clown Circus, and Two of a Kind Working on a Full House

Love gone sour, suspicion, and bad debt

In a black and far off corner of my mind

There's a box of something I can't quite define

It reeks of love gone sour, suspicion, and bad debt.

Do you know where you're going when you've taken your last step
Do you know what you get?

Girls Night Out!

As for the love gone sour, mixed in with some suspicion, thank you for the support. The bad debt, well, that's just part of the song.


A few weeks ago I had heard that The Clarks were coming to a fair. I decided to ask Traci, my sister from another mister, to join me in an escapade to see them, sans midgets. It's been far too long since her and I have gone out together.

Wal-Mart at midnight doesn't count!

The fair wasn't exactly close so I Binged some directions. I think Traci was afraid to use my phone so I took the old fashion route and wrote them down. All I have to say is thank god the husband bought me my phone and there is a navigation app on it. We would have been lost in the middle of nowhere, literally, without the woman inside my phone!

Except for the bazillion mile walk uphill (both ways, in the snow with no shoes) to the fair, we had a blast. If this event happens next year, we might take the kids. And the shuttle from the parking lot!

I met some URL peeps IRL, which was just awesome! After we found the port-a-potties and kettle korn, we made our way towards the stage. There were a bunch of rows made of hay bales to sit on and we found a prime location. But then we noticed that people were milling around the 2 bale high wall in front of the stage. Hell ya we relocated up there! 5 feet from one of our favorite bands! See...

that's the bale we stood behind!

The concert itself - just awesome!

The woman behind us, not so awesome.

She appeared about halfway through the show and was so close to us I could feel her breathing down my neck. There weren't that many people by the stage, she could have given us some breathing room. And the way she was dancing, I think she was trying to dance with us.

To make matters worse, her hand kept brushing our asses. After the fifth time hitting mine,a little too low for my comfort level mind you, I blew! Maybe it was pent up anger from the other night, but she needed to quit fucking touching my ass. And I told her just that.

She apologized and backed off. But here's my thing - if I'm dancing and accidentally bump into someone, especially their ass, I will move so I won't do it again.

We left as soon as the music was done and watched the fireworks as we walked back to the car. All downhill this time thankfully! Another thing to be thankful for is our sense of humor. Those roads were dark and windy with no street lights. Not somewhere I'd want to drive alone! I guess that's what I get when I refuse to take the most direct route!


Hopefully soon we can have another girls night out that's just as fun.

Oh hell, any time we go out it's fun. Even those midnight trips to Wal-Mart!


How was your weekend?



*lyrics from Cigarette, by the Clarks*