Emotional roller coaster

If you don't hear from me for a few days, please send help in the form of caffeine and chocolate chip cookies!

Only Parent Chronicles

You want to know what?!

Question mark
Sunday I had to do the mom thing yet again and take my kids to their soccer games.

Seriously, who the hell thinks it's a good idea to play soccer at 9 in the morning?! I am not a morning person and the fact that it was cold only made matters worse!

Anywho, I had asked my daughter's coach a question after practice last week. He didn't know the answer so he would try to find out for me by game time. To read about the whole situation, you can hop on over to my other blog.

After my girl's incredibly awesome game where she scored a goal, he did answer my question, and just like he does with a lot of other people, we started talking. Mostly about our kids and why I don't like my son's coach. It was time for my son's game to start so we parted ways.

20 minutes into my son's game, I feel a presence next to me. I turn to see who's there, and it's my daughter's coach. He asked how my son was doing in his game. His next question blew me away. He asked if I was married.

Um, come again?!

Yes, I am, by the way. You may never see my husband at the games, but that doesn't mean I'm not married. Happily married, I might add. He just has a shit ton of work to do. If he can get it done when the kids aren't home, it means more quality time when we do return home. It can even free up his evenings, too, if you know what I mean!

So this question~ it's fine and dandy that you like to know more about people. I get that you're a people person. I am, too. Or at least more so than I was a few years ago. But personally, I'm not comfortable asking people about their relationship status if I just met them a few weeks ago.

I have a suspicion that he is a single dad. Is that why I may be reading too much into this inquiry, or does he simply just like to know who people are?

Your thoughts?



I could just leave it at that. Yes, it's been a long week.

A friend of mine is pregnant and is due today. She suckered me into helping her with some stuff at the school. I am more than happy to help her out, but paperwork and number crunching are not my friends in the morning. Pre-coffee!

There's been a lot of other things this week, which is why I am participating in

BWS tips button

Fawk you to my husband! I love you more than the world, but really? Could you keep a closer eye on your Sharpies? We have a 5 year old who loves to color. On himself!

Fawk you policemen! Do you really need to ride my ass and make me think you're pulling me over?

Policeman #1~ I'm assuming because you have that special car with the lights you think it's ok to drive as fast as you want. You might as well have been in the backseat of my car. I ignored that fact that my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would fly out the front window and switched lanes. Thank you for going past me and not pulling me over. But why did you pass all the cars in front of me, only to slow down after you passed them? Were they not worthy of your asinine driving and lights?

Policemen #2~ You actually had your lights on the whole time so I knew you were going somewhere. And fast! Thank you so much for not pulling me over, but again, why did you have to come right up on my ass? I was trying to switch lanes for you. Maybe you didn't see the big ass green bus right next to me in the other lane? I was going as fast as I could to move out of your way!

Fawk you other cars on the road! Please learn how to merge! The sign says "yield', not "stop". There was no one coming. In other words, no need to slam on your breaks. Dumbass!

Speaking of slamming on your breaks, fawk you to the driver who felt the need to do this. At a green light! What the hell?! I really didn't enjoy the lack of a car in the beginning of our marriage. Please don't make me go through that again!

Yes, it was a bad driver week. I seriously need my own lane. Who do I need to talk to about that?

One Crazy Brunette Chick

I'm also linking up with One Crazy Brunette Chick. Plain and simple, her blog rocks!

If I knew then what I know now...

There are lots of thing from my childhood that I wish were still around for my own kids to use. Isn't that we have kids? So we can relive our childhood? That, but also so we can have our own servants. They don't need paid. Just a place to sleep and some food every now and then.

Childhood memories

Back to my point. There's quite a few things from my childhood that I miss. There's the merry-go-round that made you puke was my favorite thing to play on. The Smurfs were awesome and Fraggle Rock rocked. Although it appears the Fraggles are trying to make a come back.

Smurfs Fraggle Rock

There's a lot of things that I wish were still around, but there's just as much crap that I wish I was responsible for when it came to the comeback. For example, Silly Bandz. Who out there remembers jelly bracelets?

Jelly bracelets and Silly Bandz

And of you people, who had a bazillion of them? Why couldn't I be the lucky one who thought to bring them back, but in the shapes of all kinds of crazy things? I could be rich right now!

And exactly what the hell are some of them anyway? We have one that I think is supposed to be a rock star holding his mike. I think it's actually the Silly Bandz cult symbol that sucks all the kids in.

And the clothing? What the hell?! It was horrible in the 80s and 90s, but now it's cool? Last summer I went to a Def Leppard concert (fucking awesome!). There were people there who were straight from the 80s. I pointed. I laughed. I hung my head in shame because I used to wear some of the same things. A few days later I take my daughter shopping and what do we see? Clothing that is straight from the 80s! Again, what the hell?!

If I knew back then what I know now, I would have continued to wear what I wore. After 20 years of being a rebel outcast, I would finally be the fashionable one.

It's not just stuff for girls. For boys, we have Transformers. I bet if you asked any little boy right now what they thought of Transformers, they would tell you they kick ass. Maybe not in those exact words, but you know what I mean. I for one couldn't figure out for the life of me how to transform the fuckers. I still can't! If I knew then what I know now... well, I probably still couldn't turn a robot into a car.

This post was inspired by the Idea Bank - part of B2SB2B, hosted by Kludgymom.

Kludgy Mom

Walmart - it could drive me to drink!


How to count
Bitchy Wal-mart employee
Bitchy Wal-mart employee
Children's cold medicine

People of Wal-mart

People of Wal-mart

People of Wal-mart

Thank goodness I made it out alive! Wal-Mart can drive one to drink. Heavily!

While I go defrag, head over and check out some more post-its

That One Mom

How to make each post a dfferent color

Here I am, running late, turning my assignment in at the last moment. It was hard enough getting my own kids in a routine for school. Me? I've been out of school for quite some time. Getting back into the swing of things is not as easy as I thought.

What school am I tlking about? B2SB2B. What does that mean, yu ask? Back 2 School Back 2 Blogging. This "class" is hosted by KludgyMom.

Kludgy Mom

With my midgets being home over the summer, I let my blogs slip. This is just the motivation I needed to get back into it.

The first assignment was an 11-point inspection. I went through the checklist and cleaned up a few things, but like everything else in my life, there is still some more tweeking I could do. I'll get there!

The extra credit for the week was to find a widget/plug-in for my blog. To be more specific, find one that isn't very well known. Fidning something was not as easy as I had hoped. And quite frankly, I am just excited I got a more popular one to work! With some help, I finally added RSS so you can email subscribe to my little piece of the net. It's over there on the right ---->

Even though this assignment was harder than expected, that's not to say I came up empty handed. I bookmarked a page a while back with all kids of Blogger tips and tricks. I used it to help me install post dividers. I cruised around the site and came across this...

Each post in a different color or with a different background

How to make each post a different color

Obviously you can see that I haven't implemented this, but I think it's pretty cool. When would this come in handy?

► if you want to make a specific post stand-out (like a theme post)
► when you have multiple authors in a Blog, this is an easy way to unify the Post appearance according to each author
► this method can also be used just to highlight just the part of the Post
► and anything else you can think of......this can really break dullness of the regular Posts....

I am all about the appearance of a blog. Nice layouts and pretty colors definitely catch my attention. Like a deer in headlights! Unfortunately I can't figure out exactly what I want with the appearance of my blog, especially my button. I really would like a new one!

I am by no means a coding expert. I married one of those for times like this! But I have picked up some over the years. This website walks you through everything step by step. If sprucing up your posts is something you are interested, go check it out!

I know I'm going to play around with it!

How I got in the news

I was in the news!

And not for something bad! Or not something I did that was bad.

Like the other day when...

Men in uniform

Wait a minute! You can't get me to spill all the beans! This isn't about what I may or may not have done!

It's about this...

How I got in the news
That's a little snippet from the article. If you want to see the whole article, complete with a video, to prove I'm not bullshitting you, GO HERE.

Just don't blow my cover and start giving out all my personal info, k?

Public transportation has had some drastic cuts lately. It makes me thankful that I can stay at home with the midgets. Especially now that they're in school. Peace and quiet is truly a blessing!

When I was working, that public transportation is what got me to and from my job. It was absolutely necessary for me to work back then and if those bus routes were cut a few years ago, we would have been up shit creek without a paddle!

So how did I get in the news in the first place? While I was waiting for something I needed to finish drying in the dryer, I decided to do some Facebooking. One of the local news stations is on Facebook like white on rice! One of their recent status updates asked how these recent route cuts are effecting people. They asked that replies be emailed to the station.

I just had to give my 2 cents. If I had to take a bus anywhere now, it would be damn near impossible. But my main reason for emailing was to explain that I see a lot of people I used to ride with waiting at different stops. And cutting these routes overcrowds the buses even more than they already were in the first place.

So I emailed the station. Shortly after I receive a reply asking if I would be interested in a brief interview. After a few back and forth messages and a few phone calls, the news reporter will stop by my house around 2:15.

After the shock of getting myself in the news to begin with, the panic set in. I did a quick clean up in the living room in case he wanted to come in. Thank god for Febreeze and closets! And he could go no further than that room! Then I realized I was still in my sweat pants, hair pulled up in a sloppy mess, and no make-up. I refused to be one of *those* people on the news that looked like they just came from the pages of People of WalMart!

I spent 45 minutes getting myself and the living room prettied up only to have the reporter and his camera man here for 10 minutes. But it was worth it to see myself on tv!

What are you afraid of?

The year is 2010, not 1960.

On one hand I can understand still having the same mentality now as you did back then. But at the same time I am no where near the person I was 10, or even 5 years ago.

Back then, everyone had their own thing. Their own school, their own water fountain, their own bathroom. I admit it would be nice to go out in public and have my own bathroom, just for me. But to have that own bathroom because of the color of my skin? Ridiculous.

The color of one's skin or their sexual orientation does not determine who they are. It is only one slice of the whole pie. Why is it so damn hard for people, in 2010, to understand this?

For shits and giggles, because I am not always a normal person, I asked my son to tell his Grandma and Pap who he likes to play Star Wars with at recess. Sometimes reactions are priceless and hearing my son say he play with Agok achieved such a reaction.

My MIL had a look of confusion on her face. I think she was hoping she misunderstood my son. That does happen. So he repeated himself. I then had to explain that she did, in fact, hear him correctly.

My in-laws smiled and nodded, and we moved onto another conversation. One about Kindergartners adjusting to school.

My Little Dude was quiet at first, but after many hugs, had no problems walking through the doors of the school. The grandson of my MIL's friend was another story. His problems started at his original bus stop, where the before/after school program he attends is located. He had to wait for the bus with another little boy. My MIL felt the need to describe this little boy. It was completely irrelevant to the conversation. And really? Why does one have to whisper the words "big" and "black"? Is she afraid that she will suddenly gain a bunch of weight overnight and wake up with darker skin?

Be afraid of snakes and spiders, not someone who is different than you.

The year is 2010, not 1960.

I have my days

Just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I'm tired of getting up early. I'm tired of rushing around like a maniac. Most of all I am tired of being late.

Days like today I just want to say fuck you!

I do not like having to drive you to work everyday, but I know if I don't, we will be up shit creek with out a paddle, financially speaking. I do not like having to sit in ungodly, unexplainable traffic. I do not like getting stuck behind every jackass that feels the need to make an impossible left turn. Most of all, I do not like walking our children into their school late.

Some piss poor decisions were made that led us to where we are today. We have worked through a lot and for the most part, our lives are much better off now than they were a few years ago. But getting everything back on the right track is not an easy thing to do. There is no quick fix and we must all suffer the repercussions of your decisions.

Some may think it would have been easier for me to walk away and avoid this all together, but I am not one to walk away when things get messy. I hold my vows to a high degree. For better or worse, we are in this together.

But that doesn't mean I don't have days where I want to say fuck you.

My detachable penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

No, I'm not trying to pull one over on you. I'm all girl. I was never very good at lying anyway! I heard this on the radio last night (I love XM radio!). It's my new favorite song!

FYI - it helps to have someone with you in the car so you don't look like a complete cracking the hell up!

*lyrics courtesy of King Missile*

Grow up already, will ya?

I know I'm not alone in this.

Most people seem to have one.

Sometimes more than one.

What exactly am I referring to, you ask?

The crazy relative.

It seems no matter what you do or how hard you try to ignore them, they never go away.

My crazy relative is an "aunt". I use that term loosely because she's only an aunt by marriage and quite frankly, after the shit she has pulled, I'm hesitant to attach that title with her name.

She has married not 1, but 2 of my uncles, which is how she received her title of aunt. Her relationship with Uncle #2 has been anything but good. She is very controlling, verbally abusive, and rather selfish. My uncle decided to leave her, which is when our eyes were opened to her true personality and made us question what really happened with her marriage to Uncle #1. He decided to return and work on the marriage. None of us agree, but he's grown. He can do whatever he wants.

Communication by most of the family with her and my uncle has become almost non-existent, but she still tries to work her way back in. At one point she wrote a letter to my Grandma. This letter was very disrespectful and basically blamed her and other family members for their failing marriage. That sent my Grandma to tears and pissed off a lot of us. You do NOT disrespect my Grandma!!!

Since then, my aunt tries to sneak in phone calls to my mom when my uncle isn't home. My aunt wants my mom to pass messages along to my Grandma. Um... I don't think so, bitch! My mom doesn't like you anymore than the rest of us.

My Grandma has problems with her heart to begin with. That letter certainly didn't help and the continued attempts only add insult to injury. My mom telling my Grandma she has a message from crazy aunt days after she had a heart attack? I don't think so, honey!

*Yes, my Grandma had a heart attack last week. A small one and she's ok, but a heart attack is a heart attack. I'm not ready to blog about how I feel about that, but she is ok.*

I don't know why crazy aunt thinks my mom is on her side, because she sure as shit isn't! Wouldn't you think hanging up on a person repeatedly is a sure sign they don't like you? I do, but crazy aunt doesn't seem to get that.

The shit she pulls reminds me of when my BFF and I would get into fights. In the 6th grade! We would have a mutual friend deliver messages to the other. As an adult, that's not something you do!

I wish she would grow up and realize that we really don't give a flying fuck what she does. Heaven help her if she ever comes up here to visit. It may be a one way trip for her!

Comparable to crack

Yet again, it's Monday. Ordinarily, I loathe Mondays - getting up early, begging and pleading the kids to get dressed, and doing the same to get them to eat. All while I'm trying to find something to wear that's decent. I don't get fully dressed until I get back from dropping everyone off at work or school, but that doesn't mean I want to roll up to the school in my PJs!

Today is different. We all know it's a holiday. No school/work means sleeping in and staying in our jammies til noon if we want. And I think I might just do that!

It's also different because I am co-hosting this...

Monday Minute

How awesome is that?!? I don't know about you, but I am uberly excited! That's not my favorite word, but I'm so excited that I don't care. I'm using it anyway. And apparently Blogger doesn't like it either. Screw them! My blog and I'm using it whether they like it or not!

Now onto this week's questions...

1. If you could interview any famous person, dead or alive, who would it be? What would you ask?

There's quite a few. Such as Buzz Aldren. I'd give my left leg to be able to walk on the moon. Although I don't know exactly how much walking I could do with only 1 leg. Or maybe JFK. Politics are definitely not my thing, but a conversation with him would definitely be interesting!

But who I really want to talk to is John Lennon. I would ask what the fuck he was thinking hooking up with Yoko! She caused to demise of one of, if not the greatest bands of all time! Ya, I know, there were other contributing factors in there, but Yoko was a biggie!

2. You have to give up one thing for a month. What would it be - car, guilty pleasure (ie. food, drink, fav. tv show), or sex?

I can't go without my favorite shows. Once the seasons start (which better be soon!) I'm like a crack addict. If I don't get my fix Thursdays and Sundays, I tend to get verya tad bitchy.

Caffeine - couldn't give it up if I tried! As for my cookies Reese's cups peanut butter & honey crackers favorite foods, I doubt I would survive without them. Again, it's comparable to crack!

Give up sex? Who the hell thought of this question!? Oh wait, that was me. My bad! And the answer is simply NO! One should never give up a good thing like that!

Now a car? I could give up that for a month. We would just have to pretend for that month that I'm not the sole driver of this house. So assuming we can all pretend, it's definitely do-able. I've done it before and it was for years, not just a month. It's really shitty to have to depend on other people to cart your ass around all the time, but on the bright side, everything in my neighborhood is within walking distance. I'd have no problem bundling up if it's cold and walking to the grocery store. Although I can't guarantee I wouldn't bitch the whole entire walk!

3. Is there a word/phrase you say that you are made fun of for? If so, what is it?

The husband makes fun of me all the fucking time for saying "Y'all". I was born, raised, and still live in Pittsburgh. What I should say is "Yinz", but I don't. I have no idea when or why I starting saying "y'all", but I just do.

4. Which is a stronger emotion: Anger or Love?

This is a tough one. Anger and love are both very powerful emotions. Anger can definitely consume a person. Trust me, there are too many times where I have seen nothing but red. But I think if you let it in, love always triumphs.

and finally

5. Where was your first job?

Technically, my first job was as a paper girl. That didn't last very long. But if you don't want to get technical, Burger King was my first job.

I really didn't enjoy coming home every night smelling like a Whopper Jr. with cheese, and I'm sure no one else enjoyed it either, but that job helped me get the money I needed to go to Paris and Italy.

And the stories I have from my years of working there... oh, I could go on for days! But that would damage my closet rebel good girl image. All I will say about that is parents aren't as dumb as kids think.

Thank you ladies for letting me co-host this week. I hope you enjoyed my answers. If you have some of your own, make a post and link up so I can hop over to read!

Shout Outs

TGIF! It was one hell of a week and I am so glad it's Friday.It was such a crazy week that I feel I need to give a few shout outs.

What better way to do that than to link up with Boobies, Babies, & A Blog and her co-host I'm Just Sayin'.

BWS tips button

Dear water company,

Fawk You! I get that pipes burst and you need to fix them, but that doesn't mean I have to like the fact that you had to turn the water off to my neighborhood. Thank goodness it was only for a short time and after the kids went to bed. I only had to deal with minor inconveniences, like these.

Dear son,

We always might butt heads at times, but I still don't feel right saying those words to you. So I'm sending a Fawk You to your shoes. Your beat to hell black Steeler Crocs to be specific. The lovely scuff marks they left on the wall above the couch were a joy to look at!

Dear Go-Gurts,

Fawk You! I think you need to start putting warning labels on those bitches! Something like "Warning! This package may explode!"

Better yet, why don't you send me some warning stickers to place on my son's head. Something like "Warning! This child may cause Go-Gurts to explode!". All over his hands!

And arms

And face

And his shirt

And his seat belt

And his booster seat

And the rest of the backseat of the car

Had I known he didn't eat said Go-Gurt during lunch at school, I would have confiscated his lunchbox before he got in the car. That little incident brings on another Fawk You. And it's a biggie!

Dear water company (again),

Fuck You! You having to fix yet another water main break not even a week after the first gives me the right to go straight for the big F word. None of this Fawk stuff for you this time!

I didn't realize you were working right down the street from my house when I jumped in the shower. Let me tell you, shaving in a cold shower with shit for water pressure is not my idea of fun! The only reason I put up with the cold water is because I only had one leg done. I really wasn't up for looking like a freak with only 1 hairy leg!

Apparently the break was pretty bad for you to shut our water off for 10 hours. Yes, 10!!! I appreciate you giving me an out for doing laundry, but my son really needed his sheets washed. And my daughter needed socks. When she wears her shoes without socks, good god do her feet stick!!! Not only that, but I needed to wash yogurt out of the above mentioned clothing! Yogurt stains. My boy was wearing his Steelers jersey during the whole Go-Gurt incident. Water Company - do NOT mess with my Steelers stuff! Got it?!?

Yours truly,

Free Bird

I was asked for a back to school post. If you care to read that, it's over here.

It amazes me that some people never change. Or grow up for that matter.

I was on Facebook tonight and say the status for a "friend". I use that term loosely because I really can't see myself hanging out with this person anymore, but I'm too lazy to unfriend him.

Anywho, his status

they just let me free. how? lol

At first you may think this

Free bird

But I really think this is appropriate for the situation

Rehab is for quitters

Either way I can tell you some people never change because that's exactly how he was way back in the high school days.

I can still see a lot of this behavior when I pick my kids up from school or am involved in some kind of living hell, otherwise known as a school function. To my knowledge, some of these people aren't the party type like the above dumbass, but they still act like they are in high school. You know what I mean, right? The cliques, the gossip.

I like who I like. If I don't like you, it's because it was my own personal decision. Not because Plain Jane said I shouldn't. As for the gossip, some can be fun. Lets face it, we all have indulged at one time or another. But there's a point where you just want to say STFU. I actually want to say that to someone just to see if they know what the hell it means.

Now me on the other hand, I think I am a completely different person.

I have different goals than I did 10 years ago. I no longer do any of the stupid stuff I did back then. Well, for the most part anyway! And even though I still am not a fan of confrontation, I am more willing to stand up for myself and those around me. And if my kids are involved? Holy hell, you better run!

I guess it's life experiences that determine how someone is 10+ years after high school. I'm sure you know people like this, too. What do you think?