A little consideration please

We all know what happens when we assume. Perhaps I am being an ass in this situation, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset.

Months ago, before summer, my mother-in-law informed me of an upcoming wedding. The husband's cousin was getting married in November. I'm not too familiar with his side of the family, but had every intention of attending. A few years prior we also attending this girl's sister's wedding. Our son didn't join us because he was still a teeny baby, but his older sister was with us.

Now that both of our kids are older and able to go to such events, my MIL was quite excited to buy them new outfits. A new dress for our daughter and an actual suit for our son. I was looking forward to seeing my little boy in a suit and later watching him cut it up on the dance floor.

My MIL and this girl's mother are close and talk quite often. This wedding has been the topic of their conversations for quite some time.

September 11th was the day of the bridal shower. I thought it was tacky, but not my decision to make. I went with my MIL and my daughter. My MIL even bought the bride-to-be a gift specifically from my daughter. We talked of some hassles that went into setting up the bridal shower, as well as conversations about the wedding itself.

Two weeks ago I finally received one of the fanciest wedding invitations I have ever seen. While looking over the RSVP card, I became confused. There were 3 options of what to choose for our main dinner course. I wasn't sure what to do when it came to the kids. Were they expected to eat one of those 3 options, or would there be child friendly meals at the reception?

I held off on filling out the card until I talked to my MIL. I was getting the impression our kids weren't invited to this wedding. My MIL called the bride's mom and asked her what I should do. The response we got - she didn't think children were invited to the wedding (even though there are children in the bridal party).

In all of the conversations my MIL had with the bride's mother, you think "no children allowed" would have been mentioned.

This wedding is on a Friday, at 5pm. Who am I going to find to babysit my kids since everyone I know works? But before I could even worry about that, my MIL told us to not even bother going to the wedding.

I should have assumed that not everyone wants children at their wedding and reception. However, this bride should also have taken into consideration how difficult it can be to find a babysitter on a weekday afternoon.

I'm relieved to not have to attend this wedding, especially since our daughter's birthday is the following day. But I'm upset that this little detail of no kids wasn't mentioned earlier than a month before the wedding.

Rockin' with my knight in shining armor

Mommyfriend Lori and Tina from Life Without Pink have teamed up to create Project Marriage- an interactive love movement designed to get back to the simple joys of marriage and the love that brought you there.

This month's challenge was to not only have a date night, but to avoid talking about the kids while on your date. The date part was easy. My sister-from-another-mister, the husband, and I had been planning out last Wednesday night since May, when Kid Rock announced he was coming to town. At first I was worried about not talking about the kids. It's something I love to do. But once the alcohol entered the picture, the kids were the furthest thing from our minds!




Sheryl Crow was also touring with Kid Rock, but we weren't interested in her. We chose to empty our cooler of tasty beverages while she played her show. We talked about things going on in our lives now as well as things from the past.

While we were talking, we realized that alcohol can be an ugly thing. When Mike's Hard anything claims to have a punch, the advertisers aren't kidding. Mike kicked my ass! But just when I thought I had it bad, we noticed a couple making their way to the venue. The girl was up against it! She could barely stand let alone walk. Security quickly swooped in to check on her, followed by the police. Once they showed up, her man bolted! Glad I wasn't her on so many levels!


Once Sheryl had played a good number of songs, we decided we should make our way in. We found a spot on the lawn where we had a good view and could be easily found if any of us had to leave for a drink or bathroom break.

Before we knew it, Journey was being played. Once we heard "born and raised in South Detroit", we knew the show was about to start. The next few hours were full of screaming, singing, and dancing. I'm honestly surprised any of us had a voice by the end of the night. Especially after Bawitdaba. Flames were flying on the stage and Kid Rock revealed all of his sexiness by taking off his shirt.


By the final song, Born Free, I realized that the three of us had sobered up for the most part, but that wasn't the case for other people there. I was trying to get a video of that last song because the pyrotechnics were just awesome. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a man. He was so nicely waiting for me to finish before walking in front of me.

When I lowered my phone, he came over to talk to me. I don't remember much of what he said because it was loud, but I did mange to catch "computer", "face page", and "tree house". This was when the husband swooped in to make him move.

The guy began to shake my husband's hand as more gibberish spewed from his mouth. He obviously had no interest in leaving us alone. Since he refused to listen to my husband telling him to move along, the husband knocked his beer out of his hand and pushed him away. Thank goodness for my knight in shining armor because that was the one and only time of the night where the cops were no where to be seen!


Minus a few bumps in the road, which are par for the course, the night was amazing. Just like with the 2 previous times I've seen Kid Rock, his show was exhilarating. Seeing him with 2 of my favorite people made it so much better. I can't wait until our next concert experience in August.


I would like to point out that my friend also has a child. We all managed to make it through the night without talking about any of our kids. Until we got back to my mom's house and found my son sleeping under her boyfriend's feet!

I don't like to lose

Competitions

I love them.

During football and hockey seasons, one can find me on my couch, head to toe team colors, eyes glued to the tv, and possibly profanities escaping my mouth.

During soccer season for the kids one can find me as close to the field as I am allowed, maybe more. Camera in hand, cheering my kids on.

Even though I'm not always very good, I often like to compete with myself. After all, apps in the Android Market Place were meant for me right?
hello 3 versions of Angry Birds!

I've also been known to compete with the husband. Tennis. On the Wii. Because I suck at it in real life.


What I do not like to compete with is the husband's job.

We have been married for over 9 years and I have competed with his jobs since the beginning. The first of those jobs called for early mornings and late nights. Quite often I would fall asleep before he even came home. That job, while it may have sucked, was our life line. With a new baby, I could not work. I couldn't ask him to change something that we desperately needed.

With his current job, he is aways on call. Something breaks? Here comes the husband to swoop in and fix it. However it is rarely an easy fix. Computers rarely cooperate when you need them to. The office hours are thankfully closer to 9-5. Actually 7-4. Even if I didn't take him to and from work, he would almost always be home for dinner. However, work does not stay at work. His smart phone is his lifeline and his computer could pass for our third child. The husband often babysits programs to make sure they continue to work.

He loves his job and I am so glad for that. Finding a job you love with good pay is not always easy to attain. As happy as I am for him, I do not always love his job. If it comes down to dinner out with the family or fixing something for work, work always wins.

I understand he has to do what he has to do. This job gets our bills paid. We are finally at a point financially where we can buy ourselves things we want, but may not necessarily need. Many good things for the husband, as well as me and the kids, have come from this job. And I hope there will be more in the future.

But I don't like that I have to compete with the job.

And I don't like to lose.

The struggle to desire

The other day while sitting at a red light, I turned to look at you. Your long blond hair and your baby blues - they took me back to when we first met.

We were merely children. High school sophomores. Even though I was young, I knew. You were the one I was meant to be with. Marriage and children certainly weren't n my mind at the age of 16, but that is what happened.

Looking back on our life together, it hasn't always been easy. We have both worked hard to get where we are today. There is a chance of great things happening in our future. We deserve it and I really hope things go the way we want.

As excited as I am, I am also saddened by the things that may not come.


I've talked about it before and it's an issue I still struggle with. Babies. Their soft skin, powdery smell, and tiny toes. Being pregnant were some of the best months of my life. Except for swollen feet. I could do without that again.

When I see and hear about friends who are expecting, I am overjoyed for them. But I also feel a little pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. If you are one of those friends, please don't take this as me raining on your parade. That is not my intention, but knowing this is most likely something I will not experience again sometimes hurts.

Having children is something I knew I always wanted. From a biological standpoint, that is what a woman is supposed to do - have babies. Being told you can't, especially for a woman who doesn't always like to hear no, can be difficult.


This is not about my husband squashing my dreams. I agree with his reasoning and I am happy with my life. Our children are growing more independent and we have a mostly well established schedule. Adding a baby would mean rearranging schedules, buying car seats and all the equipment they need, and pack a bag for where ever we go. I love babies, but do I really want to start over again? I'm not sure if I do.

But that doesn't mean the desire to hold another baby of my own doesn't creep in sometimes.

A blessing in disguise

Life isn't always easy. Everything we do we must put effort into if we want to succeed. Marriage is the same way.

I think many of us go into it expecting wedded bliss. I was one of those people. I had been with the same man for many years. What was there not to know about him? As I've come to realize through different phases in my life - there is always more to learn.


Shortly after starting our lives as newlyweds as well as first time parents, I noticed a change in the husband. Perhaps it was always there and I turned a blind eye. Weekly nights out with the boys turned into twice a week, sometimes three. Quite often he would not come home til morning. I would protest. I would plea. For a while, those nights out became rare. But it would only last a short time.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a crossroads. I knew if this life continued I would have to make a decision. To stay or to go? As that crossroads loomed in the distance, our lives began to change. The husband found a new job. Nights out were once again becoming rare. That crossroads was beginning to fade as our lives took another path.

We were enjoying our lives on this new road, but we were unaware of the dangers ahead. Tragedy would strike that would forever change our lives. It is not an experience either of us would choose to go through again, but in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise.


This tragedy has changed the man I love. It changed him for the better. We are closer now than we ever were. I am thankful everyday for the blessing in disguise, but I always wondered if others realized the change in him. In us.



While enjoying good food and good drinks, I had a conversation with a mutual friend. It was brought to my attention that I am the reason for the change. I am the glue that binds. In my mind my pleas fell on deaf ears. It almost took the life of someone I love for change to happen. At least that was my interpretation.

I also received an apology, for this man was the one who was out all those late nights with my husband. I always knew where my husband was and what he was doing. That never made it any easier. To know that someone else is stepping up and realizing their part in the roller coaster ride that was our marriage helps. Perhaps the tides have turned. Perhaps my husband is now what others need to realize the change they need to make.

The post where I sound selfish

Like most families, we have our own set of traditions for the holidays. One of those holidays involves traveling to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve. We've been doing this since I was a little girl of 6 when my parents got married.

It started as going to my Grandparent's house and my aunt and uncle would come in from out of town. Like most people, my grandparents aged and retired. They moved south and the tradition was reversed. To my aunt and uncles house we would go with my grandparents coming in from out of town.

There are 6 kids and we are all now grown. Some of us have families of our own, some are still in college and some are just out f college trying to make a life of their own. With our growing families and changing financial situations (let's face it, most college or just out of college kids are broke), our gift giving ways have changed.

A few years ago we adopted to joys of the grab bag. Only the adults participated and we all bought for the little kids. At the time, my 2 were the only kids. My daughter's birthday is in November and at her party we would draw names.

This year was different. And I'm not sure if this is a change I like.

When my mom asked my aunt about drawing names she said something was brought to her attention. One of her own children suggested we only buy gifts for the kids. The kids would be my 2 and my cousin's little boy. That meant us and my mom only had to buy for one person. Score! Or so I thought.

As in previous years, we traveled over to their house for a lovely dinner. Turkey, cranberry sauce, cinnamon Jell-o, potatoes, rolls, the works. After dinner we put on our fancy clothes and head to church. I have 2 issues with going to church. First, I was raised Catholic and the church we go to Christmas Eve is Lutheran. Second, I am not a religious person. I'm not saying I don't believe, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I do believe. But that's a post for another time. I will say that their pastor is an amazing speaker and singing Silent Night to nothing but an organ and candle light is nothing short of beautiful.

We return to their house, take the obligatory family photo, eat a few cookies, and pass out gifts.

I loved being there since I don't have the chance to see my cousins much anymore, but something just felt off. I kept my comments to myself until I spoke with my mom the following day. We both agreed that they all bought gifts for each other . We both realize that, no matter what you believe, Christmas is much more than presents, but we also felt jipped. It's important to go over there for the sake of my brother. He is the only one who is related to them by blood. Keeping him involved in that side of the family is important, but at the same time were we really welcome there? Or was the invite out of necessity?


I'm really not looking for any answers because I'm not sure if there is one. As we all get older we lose contact with certain people. It almost feels like this is becoming one of those situations. It could also be nothing except a change. I don't always deal well with change and maybe that's why I feel off about the whole thing. If you read this far, thanks. I really appreciate you listening to me rambling on. If you have opinions, I would love to hear them.

Could socks and underwear turn me into a sexy mom?

Yes the lights are pretty and the holiday spirit can be rather uplifting, but sometimes I really feel that the holidays suck. I mean really, some of this shit drives me bat shit crazy! You know what makes it worse? Holidays suck when you're single and don't have a pretty face. Maybe that's why I turn to Jules Out Loud to get everything out. I'm not quite daring enough to take a picture so you can look at my gray hair. Maybe if I pulled out a loud prom dress, I could look somewhat prettied up. Talk about sexy conundrums!

Another things that drives me bat shit crazy this time of year are the pathetic Hanukkah end-caps. Why can't there be more of those racks than just Chanukkah socks and underwear? Seriously people, get with the program!

You know what I think I need to pull me out of this funk? Some sort of take 2 prom extravaganza. Now that will surely make me feel like the sexy mom that I am!

This post is brought to you by me, with the help of Google Analytics. Everything in blue are what people were searching for that landed them on my lovely blog. I don't know how I ended up in the single result, because I'm not. But what really confuses me is how I ended up in the results for not having a pretty face and being a sexy mom. One or the other please! Preferably sexy mom!

But one thing I know for sure, I feel bad for the person who is getting Chanukkah socks and underwear this year!

For Better or Worse

Today is one of those days where the husband pisses me off.

You see, he currently does not have his license, so that means if he needs to go somewhere, I have to drive. This is why we get up at the butt crack of dawn. We have to leave the house by 6:30 in order to get him to work and GG to school on time. During the summer, we're not quite as rushed, but we still try to leave around the same time to avoid the worst of rush hour traffic.

If things don't go as planned, than someone is late. Today was one of those days.

We were sitting in traffic coming up on one of the more congest4ed intersections. It doesn't seem to matter what time of day you try to go through his particular intersection - it is always congested. Today we sat. And sat and sat and sat. Through 4 or 5 green lights. One perk to having smart phones is being able to look up traffic stats. It didn't say why we were sitting there, but we could see where the heaviest traffic ended.

Finally I was able to pull close enough tot eh intersection and turn up a side street. Once we figured out where to get back onto the main road, it was smooth sailing. But since we were pushed back time wise, that meant we hit heavier than normal traffic on the way back home.

Of course GG was late for school. Thankfully it was only by a few minutes. And it's the last day of school, so I'm not overly concerned.

What this all boils down to is the fact that I hate driving the husband to work every day. It wouldn't be a big deal if he worked closer to home. It's a 30 mile trip on way. That's a lot of driving in one day!

The reason for him losing his license is not a story I'm going to delve into at the moment. That's an entire post in itself. But I will say there were many rough times before that incident. I know some people have wondered why I didn't leave and trust me, the thought did cross my mind. Have you ever really paid attention to the wedding vows? In sickness and health; for better or worse. Marriage takes work and if you're not willing to put in the work, than why bother. We have worked through a lot of things and things are better now.

Even though I get pissed on days like today, I'm still willing to suck it up and continue working.