Pink and pretty with sprinkles on top

"Can we go now? Please?"

Erica bounced around the kitchen, flapping her arms like the birds outside on the feeder. She was desperately trying to get her Pap's attention.

"I ate all my lunch. Even the crust! Please?"

Her Pap sighed. "As soon as I finish these dishes we can go. But you need to put your toys away first."

Erica bounced down the hallway to the family room. As she stacked her blocks into the box she hummed along with Mister Rogers, even though his show wasn't one of her favorites. As she placed the last block in the box, she heard her Pap turn off the water in the kitchen sink. She bounced to the kitchen and before she could get out a single word, he nodded a yes and asked her to get her jacket. She couldn't wait to get her favorite afternoon snack.

Erica held her Pap's hand as they crossed the parking lot. Once he opened the door of the store, the heavenly scent hit her like a tidal wave. Erica was young. At 4 she wasn't yet aware of the world outside her little town, but she did know the joys that came from within that store.

In front of her stood the tall glass case. She pressed her tiny hands against the glass, leaving tiny fingerprints for all to see. Before her eyes were the most glorious treats. Three level cakes covered in green and white fondant with pink flowers. Apple pies with slices of apple delicately placed in the center. Loaves of bread that had to be bigger than her.

But she didn't want any of those things. She wanted the treats that were tucked on the far left of the case. Donuts. They were lined up nice and neat, like soldiers in formation. Which one would she choose today?

Boston Creme? Powdered Strawberry Filled? Perhaps the bumpy ones? She thought her Pap said they were called "Coolers"? As she pulled out her finger to point out her choice of the day, something caught her eye. It was bright pink and pretty with sprinkles on top. A new donut? That was what she wanted.

Her Pap spoke to the baker and paid for her treat. They said their good-byes and walked through the door. Erica loved to sit on the bench to eat while the sun kissed her pale, skinny legs.

She opened her mouth to take the first bite. The smell of raspberries tickled her nose. In her excitement over a new flavored treat, her fingers began to tremble. Her pink donut wavered and fell to the sidewalk. It broke into three pieces. The sidewalk now smeared with pink and littered with sprinkles. A tear came to her eye but before it could fall, her Pap reached out his hand. In it he held a new pink and pretty donut with sprinkles on top.

Pap always had a way of knowing that she would most likely drop her donut.

This is a fictional story loosely based on my childhood. Quite often my Pap would take me out for ice cream. And quite often I would drop my ice cream after only one lick. Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Concrit always welcome!


Galit Breen said...

This was really sweet! You captured the fun and whimsy from a four year old's point of view beautifully!

I loved this line: "Once he opened the door of the store, the heavenly scent hit her like a tidal wave." it was beautiful.

Thank goodness for Pap and that second donut! :)

Kristi said...

This brought back memories of the bakery in my sweet. I loved all of your description!
"Erica loved to sit on the bench to eat while the sun kissed her pale, skinny legs." Great imagery.
My favorite part was the surprise at the end...that Pap knew her so well...was unexpected and touching.
Stopping by from TRDC

Kmama said...

You do such a good job with details. I feel like I'm right there, living it.

amygrew said...

That Paps is a smart guy!

I love the description of the fingerprints. I have them everywhere!!!

Great story!

So Who Is The Crayon Wrangler? said...

YES! He had a 2nd doughnut for her! I was worried there for a second, but he came through!

Cute story with such a fun beat to it. The only thing that stuck out to me was the use of "bounce" throughout the piece. Trust me...I know funny 4yo girls bounce a lot as they move, but perhaps another word? Just a thought!

Honest Convo Gal said...

I really enjoyed this. And I love how you built up to Pap's saving moment. I do agree with Crayon Wrangler on the word-choice issue but that is the only criticism I have. Nice job.

DaisyGal said...

oh I loved the end. How he 'knew" ...that's awesome.
I love the descriptions they really made the whole piece.

erin margolin said...

Pap is obviously a good guy because he's prepared w/ the 2nd doughnut! Wonderful, vivid imagery and description. I totally have doughnuts on the brain thanks to TRDC!

MrsJenB said...

Oh, I love this!! I love that he always knew she'd probably drop the donut.

It reminds me of a memory that's not even one of my own - my husband spent a lot of time with his grandparents until the age of 5, while his father worked full-time and went to school at night. His mother wasn't with them anymore. Anyway, my husband says that one of his favorite activities with his grandfather was when they'd walk to the donut shop together. He'd get a donut and his grandfather would get one and the men at the shop would talk and he felt very grown-up to be present. I love that you have a similar memory (even if it wasn't really donuts for you!).

Very well done! :)

Tanya Tringali said...

I'm so glad he had another doughnut for her! I could feel the tears welling up. And of course she picked the pretty pink one, what 4 year-old girl wouldn't?
Really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing-

Jessica said...

Very sweet piece, I love the relationship between this little girl and Pap, reminds me of my own grandfather.
My concrit would be the word bounce maybe could have been replaced with something else and there were a few spots when you lost the voice of the little girl, like when you used the word "fondant."
Great piece!

K Pugliano said...

This was such a sweet story! I love that Paps had the second donut-a true grandpa :)

Great job!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I love Pap! Trips like that are so special for us when we're little.

Erin said...

What a sweet story! I can remember going down to the corner store and getting gumballs, and it never failed, I always dropped at least one!

Schwandy (Stephanie) said...

This is a really cute story and I also love that the grandpa had another donut waiting for her, just in case.
The only concrit I have is you repeated the same descriptive word {bounced & tiny}a few times in a paragraph but other than that it was really great.

Jessica Anne said...

Such a sweet story! I love Pap and that second doughnut. I loved this part, "She pressed her tiny hands against the glass, leaving tiny fingerprints for all to see. Before her eyes were the most glorious treats." Really great imagery and I could just imagine a four year thinking how glorious a donut display is.

Brandon Duncan said...

Cute story! Good thinking on Pap's part there.

Concrit wise, I would echo CW and Jessica, but for me, I have to say that the ending was a little weak for me. It felt like you just threw in "The End" and walked away. Maybe talk about why he always knew. What had happened before. Something...

Very cute and believable imagery throughout the piece. Nice story!

Stephanie said...

No concrit. I just loved the story. I loved that Paps always knew and always had another one ready. I love that the memory is based on your childhood. I love everything about this.

--The Drama Mama