The need for a purpose

No more babies to hold. No more diapers to change. No more rocking in the child size chair during those midnight feedings.

Her grocery cart once held big green boxes of diapers and blue plastic packs of wipes. She used to buy every soap and detergent that was labeled free and clear. Her babies had sensitive skin that she did not want to jeopardize.

When she now hugs her babies, their hair tickles her chin. They are growing like weeds and will soon be as tall as her.

Her grocery cart now holds much smaller boxes that are full of their favorite snacks. Granola bars, raisins, and sometimes chocolate. Free and clear has been replaced by the most wonderful scents nature can hold. Spring Breeze and Fresh Rain. Sometimes lilacs and lavender.

Her days were once full of teaching new skills. Sitting and rolling and learning new words. Her days are now empty and quiet while her babies are in school. But her nights are full of helping with math and learning to read.

Her babies, who were once so dependent, are now self-reliant. Along with feeding themselves, they can make their own food. They no longer need her to find entertainment, for they can find it themselves.

When she looks as her babies, she is proud of herself. They are smart, they are caring, and for the most part, responsible. She sees many great things in their futures and she is proud that she has a hand in that.

As proud and as accomplished as she feels, she also feels empty. Lost. Parts if her are no longer needed. She does not know how to fill those empty spaces. She does not know which direction to go to find her way. Her purpose.

In time it will come, but for now she struggles. Her half full glass will soon be filled again. Or is it half empty?


Kimberly said...

Simply beautiful. It's amazing how much they grow and change and in turn our roles as parents evolve with them. However one thing will never change no matter how old they get...they will always need their moms ;)

Kmama said...

You know I understand those feelings. And as Buster grows and gets more and more independent, the more it hurts and the emptier I feel.

Oka said...

I'm not quite there yet, still having a 3 year old. I try and imagine my days when he is first grade, but I can't. I just can't.

Stepping On Cheerios said...

Beautifully written.

Our success as parents will eventually lead to an empty's so bitter sweet.

I like Yoga...

Brittney said...

my child will be 4 in May and I already feel like this. They grow up way to fast!

Babes Mami said...

Aww...I'm not in this place yet but I get teary eyed thinking about it!

Shell said...

Things definitely change as our kids get older. I'm trying my best to embrace the changes, but it's hard.