We were merely children. High school sophomores. Even though I was young, I knew. You were the one I was meant to be with. Marriage and children certainly weren't n my mind at the age of 16, but that is what happened.
Looking back on our life together, it hasn't always been easy. We have both worked hard to get where we are today. There is a chance of great things happening in our future. We deserve it and I really hope things go the way we want.
As excited as I am, I am also saddened by the things that may not come.
I've talked about it before and it's an issue I still struggle with. Babies. Their soft skin, powdery smell, and tiny toes. Being pregnant were some of the best months of my life. Except for swollen feet. I could do without that again.
When I see and hear about friends who are expecting, I am overjoyed for them. But I also feel a little pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. If you are one of those friends, please don't take this as me raining on your parade. That is not my intention, but knowing this is most likely something I will not experience again sometimes hurts.
Having children is something I knew I always wanted. From a biological standpoint, that is what a woman is supposed to do - have babies. Being told you can't, especially for a woman who doesn't always like to hear no, can be difficult.
This is not about my husband squashing my dreams. I agree with his reasoning and I am happy with my life. Our children are growing more independent and we have a mostly well established schedule. Adding a baby would mean rearranging schedules, buying car seats and all the equipment they need, and pack a bag for where ever we go. I love babies, but do I really want to start over again? I'm not sure if I do.
But that doesn't mean the desire to hold another baby of my own doesn't creep in sometimes.