A little consideration please

We all know what happens when we assume. Perhaps I am being an ass in this situation, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset.

Months ago, before summer, my mother-in-law informed me of an upcoming wedding. The husband's cousin was getting married in November. I'm not too familiar with his side of the family, but had every intention of attending. A few years prior we also attending this girl's sister's wedding. Our son didn't join us because he was still a teeny baby, but his older sister was with us.

Now that both of our kids are older and able to go to such events, my MIL was quite excited to buy them new outfits. A new dress for our daughter and an actual suit for our son. I was looking forward to seeing my little boy in a suit and later watching him cut it up on the dance floor.

My MIL and this girl's mother are close and talk quite often. This wedding has been the topic of their conversations for quite some time.

September 11th was the day of the bridal shower. I thought it was tacky, but not my decision to make. I went with my MIL and my daughter. My MIL even bought the bride-to-be a gift specifically from my daughter. We talked of some hassles that went into setting up the bridal shower, as well as conversations about the wedding itself.

Two weeks ago I finally received one of the fanciest wedding invitations I have ever seen. While looking over the RSVP card, I became confused. There were 3 options of what to choose for our main dinner course. I wasn't sure what to do when it came to the kids. Were they expected to eat one of those 3 options, or would there be child friendly meals at the reception?

I held off on filling out the card until I talked to my MIL. I was getting the impression our kids weren't invited to this wedding. My MIL called the bride's mom and asked her what I should do. The response we got - she didn't think children were invited to the wedding (even though there are children in the bridal party).

In all of the conversations my MIL had with the bride's mother, you think "no children allowed" would have been mentioned.

This wedding is on a Friday, at 5pm. Who am I going to find to babysit my kids since everyone I know works? But before I could even worry about that, my MIL told us to not even bother going to the wedding.

I should have assumed that not everyone wants children at their wedding and reception. However, this bride should also have taken into consideration how difficult it can be to find a babysitter on a weekday afternoon.

I'm relieved to not have to attend this wedding, especially since our daughter's birthday is the following day. But I'm upset that this little detail of no kids wasn't mentioned earlier than a month before the wedding.

Pour Your Heart Out


Oka said...

To be honest, you shouldn't have to assume anything, it should of been clear in the invitation. That way, you would of had a month to figure out your babysitting arrangements and not had to hunt down someone for the answer.

Kmama said...

I agree with Oka. It should have been clear on the invitation, and the bride and groom knew they weren't inviting kids long before they sent out the invites, so someone should have said something.

Lizbeth said...

I think it should have been on the invite. My sister is going through this exact same thing--her husband's brother is getting married and they have said no kids but the invite didn't mention a thing. She's confused and doesn't want to bring their son if he's not wanted but yet can't find anyone to watch him since they are all going to the wedding!

Helene said...

They definitely should've put something on the invitation. We didn't mind having kids at our wedding and reception but I've seen invites where people state kindly, "This is an adults only wedding/reception" type of statement on their invite. And with 4-6 weeks notice, that's usually pretty manageable.

That plain sucks that you found about this so last minute.

KLZ said...

There is nothing about weddings that is easy. Ever.

Anastasia said...

It should have been clear on the invite. I hate when kids are not taken into consideration. And karma will bite them when they have their own kids. Trust me.

Liz said...

So much of this varies on regional customs, too. In Chicago, kids generally do not come to weddings, but in Central IL (i.e. where Craig grew up) they do. For us it wasn't a huge deal because I was the first of my generation of cousins to marry, so there weren't other cousins' babies or kids to worry about. And since Craig's family all drove in from 4 hours away (and would need to be staying overnight), we invited theirs kids.

I will say, though, I have been asked to stand up in wedding that required me to fly to get to, and Baby Kate was not invited. I really had a problem with that because it is a BIG deal to ask someone to fly halfway across the country to be in your wedding and then...what are they supposed to do with their kid?!?!

Babes Mami said...

I agree you shouldn't have had to assume. She should know that people have kids and that needs to be clear on invitations because otherwise everyone is expecting to go!

Shell said...

You would have thought something would be said- especially after you brought your daughter to the bridal shower.

My cousin's wedding was adults only, except for the kids in the wedding... and all of my family was there, so I had no other sitter. I went alone while Hubs stayed home with the kids and then it turned out that a bunch of people had ignored that and brought theirs anyway. It was a big mess... not b/c of the kids, but b/c some people were told it was okay and some were told no. Lots of hurt feelings all around.