Mean girls

I worked in the child care field for many years, with numerous age groups. While the job can be extremely frustrating, it did not lessen my love for children. As it is with my own 2 children, I will always love them. But that doesn't mean I always have to like them.

Over the years I have learned that children, who are such little beings, can be mean. Very mean. Especially girls. This is something we are currently dealing with in my house.

My daughter is a little social butterfly. She will play with anyone and everyone. She has always been that way. Over the past year or so I have noticed cliques forming within her classmates. I knew it was a matter of time, but I had hoped she would be the girl that everyone likes. The girl who can float from clique to clique without upsetting anyone.

My hopes are nothing more that hope, slowing fading away.

Two girls that my daughter has played with for years are suddenly ignoring her, at least when the two girls in question are together. My daughter asks to be on their team for one activity or another. She asks to play with them at recess. Every time she asks, some excuse is made to not include her, if they don't completely ignore her all together.

At the tender age of 9, I've already had a talk with my daughter about what a real friend is. Still believing she can be friends with everyone, I know this will take some time to sink in. Because it will take time, I know there will be more heartaches.

I need my girl to understand that she is special. She is a good person with a big heart. Others who pick and choose when they can be friends are not worth her time. I don't care if she is the most popular girl in school. I don't care if she becomes head cheerleader. What I do care about is making sure she surrounds herself with true friends. Girls, and maybe boys, someday, who treat her right. Friends who aren't afraid to say they are her friend. Friends who will stick with her through thick and thin. Friends who will listen to her secrets and keep them close to their hearts.

Mean girls are a part of life's lessons. I know this is only the beginning. I hope my daughter realizes sooner rather than later that she can rise above that. She has good friends. True friends. She is too good of a person to be ignored.

Pour Your Heart Out


Oka said...

I understand cliques, I really do. Many of them are built around commonality. They like the same sport, or they are into computer, etc.

I just never understood why there was an intolerance of being different. Why is it okay to like a certain sport, but not be into computers?

Are these intolerance just learned at school? Are they fostered at home???

Kmama said...

This tugs on my heartstrings. There were two other girls in my neighborhood growing up, that were the same age as me. We could never get along as a three-some. I was always the odd girl out. And it sucked.

I'm sure it's hard to stand by as a parent and watch it happen.

~Rachée said...

My kid is experiencing this as well! What is it in our society that makes girls want to compete? I wish I could offer nuggets of advice but as I fumble through it too I hope that she finds some friends who will be happy to play at any time.

Shell said...

Girls can be SO MEAN.

I'm sorry she is already experiencing this. Though, it sounds like you are right on top of things, helping her along.

Natalie said...

Girls are mean and nasty, some of them as much as they can be, and unfortunately, most of them learn from their mothers.

My daughter is nine, and she's been through the on/off friends mill for years. Including a birthday party where all the mothers got together and "forgot" about her birthday so noone turned up. I don't think her broken heart has ever mended properly.

I know from bitter experience that it only gets worse, so I hope she can find some wonderful friends who won't be so fickle, and I'm glad she has you on her side to guide her through xx

By Word of Mouth Musings said...

Sadly as we get older we realise that the playground mentality does not always stay behind us ... many a mean Mom out there too!
You are giving her sound advice - good for you!

Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

I hate seeing this with my students, so I can only imagine how awful it must be watching it with your daughter! I will hope along with you that she learns quickly and without too much heartache who her true friends are.

Mary said...

This is the part of parenting that is so hard; you are dealing with it well - with much wisdom and grace. The way you are approaching this is going to teach and help your daughter as much as your actual advise to her.

Eva Gallant said...

It is a shame that more moms don't teach their daughters to be nice to everyone.

Helene said...

I wrote a post similar to this one a few weeks ago, as we were dealing with the very same issue.

My daughter has a big heart just like yours. And she sees the good in everyone, which makes a situation like this even more difficult.

You're doing a wonderful job in helping her through this rough time. Mean girls suck.

Mom of 12 said...

It's so hard to deal with mean people! I think the best answer is to just teach our kids to be the best friends they can be and be kind to everyone, friend or not.