Jealousy is an ugly thing. It can also be a crushing thing. It crushes your spirit. It elicits fear. It can make you think ugly thoughts about people.

There is no one particular person that I am jealous of at the moment, but my husband keeps coming to mind. His professional career is really starting to take off. I am so unbelievably proud of him and I will continue to support him every step of the way, but I have to wonder. Why can't that be me?

I want my name to be out there. I want to be known for what I do. I want people to come to me for advice and direction.

I am a mom. I am very proud to be a mom and I love my children dearly. If someone has a parenting question, I will do my best to answer them. But there is more to me than just a mom.

Part of my feelings stem from blogging. You get what you give and while I am making an effort to give, I do have a life outside the computer. Those who are well known around the blogosphere and other social network sites have put a lot of time into getting their name out there. I respect that and they should be proud. I am trying to follow suit, but it is not easy. And I am not a patient person. Patience is a virtue I have yet to learn.

Blogging is not the only aspect of my life that brings out the jealous side of me. I am a crafter. Mostly crochet. I put a lot of work into what I create. A Lot! Someday I would love to be successful at selling what I create. I could go the Etsy route, but that can be a pain in the ass. I make things, I pay to post pictures of my creations, I promote, and wait. If nothing happens, I pay and promote again. I know it's not expensive, but how many time do I have to post before to really starts to feel like I'm losing money and it's no longer worth the effort?

When people ask what I do, I want to say something other than a SAHM. I am very thankful that I am able to be a SAHM, but I also want something that is just me. Something that I can showcase to the world and hope to get more than a "Good job" before they walk away.

I realize this sounds like just another woe is me post, and I suppose that it is. But I do have a plan. I am going to carve out some time for just me.

My midgets start back at school next week (thank god!). I have some major work to do on organizing this house (help!). Some of my time will also be spent volunteering at the school (wine, please?). In between that, I am going to get crafty and find a way to promote myself. I know it will take time, and I need to constantly remind myself of that, but I am going to find a way to make a go of this crafting thing that I am so passionate about.

Pour your heart out


Oka said...

I have no clue how you have tried to promote's a few thoughts(if you don't mind).

Have you considered 1) doing craft bazaars in your area? 2)Ebay 3)Partnering with another crafter?

Shell said...

Hopefully with school starting, it will be easier.

I wanted to be able to say something besides "Oh, I'm just a mom" when someone asked me what I did. And for a while, I had that. And then realized I didn't want it. I'm much happier going back to saying "I'm just a mom" only it's with a different tone of voice, a much prouder one.

Kmama said...

Even though I'm not a SAHM, I get what you're saying because I do take pride in being able to say that I have a job. I think it's a huge part of my identity, and I would feel lost if I didn't have a job.

That said, be proud of who you are, and like Shell said, say it with confidence. Yes, you're a mom, but you are so much more than that!

Chantel said...

I stumbled across you but I'm so glad I did! What an elegant post...and so true. I quit my "exec director" position three years ago to paint. I sell some. I have three boys--who knew that being home full time would leave me nearly as little time in my studio as before?! But when asked what I do, I answer: "I'm an artist and chef and monkey tamer." I am working on being ME first....and then the zoo keeper.

Di said...

I would love to be "just a mom!" I think we always think the grass is greener on the other side though!

Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

Wow, this is *exactly* how I was feeling. I told my husband that he didn't understand that I wouldn't get any extra gold star for being a mom just because I wasn't working outside of the house. People who are moms of two kids and work have both roles, and their kids love them just as much as mine do. So I didn't want to be just a mom any more than he was just a dad. On the other hand, there were a lot of reasons why I had chosen to stay home with them. So I compromised with myself and am working one day a week now. I love to crochet, too. Good luck promoting your creations and carving out that time for yourself. It's not easy, but I think it's so worth it!

Helene said...

Oh man, the whole promotion thing just tires me out!!! It's like a full-time job in and of itself, isn't it??

It seriously irritates me when people just assume I don't work just because I'm home with my kids all day. Last time I checked, I worked...wiping asses all day long, cooking meals, entertaining, driving them all over God's creation after school...if that's not work, I don't know what is!

Babes Mami said...

I would love to be able to say I'm a stay at home mom and not have to feel I need to justify it after I say it and explain why it's a valid 'job' choice.