Go the fuck to sleep - my version

The sun is up. Just barely above the horizon. I rub my eyes as I roll out of bed. The morning rituals must be taken care of.

The husband's at work and the kids are being fed. Please eat nice and give me 10 minutes. I just need to rest my weary eyes.


I lay on the couch as visions of who lives in a pineapple under the sea dance through my head. As I am about to drift away, I feel it. A gentle tap on the should followed by my softly spoken name.

What?! You're hungry? Didn't I already feed you today? I need to go the fuck to sleep!


The children are fed and just one game they want to play. Just one, I say.

Sorry, you lose. Now let me go the fuck to sleep!


They jump and they yell. They fight and they cry. Just leave me alone so I can go the fuck to sleep!


A drink you say? I bought you juice boxes and placed them within your reach. It's no different than the Kool-aid in the fridge. Don't make me pour when you can reach your own box. What don't you understand? I just need to go the fuck to sleep!


The husband is home. He asks what's for dinner. Why doesn't he understand how hard it is to think? I just need to go the fuck to sleep!

I serve up their plates while I sulk in my own. I'm so tired I can barely get the fork to my mouth. I hope the husband can keep them entertained. I gave up on sleep, but 10 minutes to rest my mother fucking eyes would be nice!


It's quiet for a moment and I'm starting to like it. Then I hear it. The little brats want to eat yet again! And only I can get them a snack. Shit! How much food can they fit in those tiny bodies?! And why don't they understand their dad also has 2 arms. He's quite capable of doing things, too! I just want to go the fuck to sleep!


The sun has now set. It is done for the night. I tuck them in tight and turn out the light. Slowly I creep out of their rooms and down the hall. My own bed is whispering my name. I lay myself down as I hide under the covers. Dammit, it's time! I can finally go the fuck to sleep.


Oka said...

I swear those days feel like a month.

Kmama said...

We've all been there with those days you can barely move because you're so exhausted.

Helene said...

This totally made me laugh hysterically!! The Mommy version of the book...I love it!!

I know that feeling all too well, where you just want 20 minutes of sleep. That's not too much to ask, I don't think!!!

Daffy said...

I'm having a day like that...the pillow is just screaming my name! And for some reason those are the days where nap time for the littles seems to be the biggest struggle. JUST SLEEP!!!

I love your version

Jessica Anne said...

Hilarious! I have those days a lot. :)


i found a diary entry for 21 yrs ago when mine were tiny and I had the flu, eerily similar LOL

Cheryl said...


Poppy said...

Love your version! Why is it that they are extra needy when we are extra tired?

Mommy Shorts said...

Love it! I'd let my baby stay up as long as she wants as long as she let me go to sleep!

Tonya said...

This is great.....funny and oh, so true!

Welcome To Mommyland said...

Unfortunately when all are tucked in and my bed is calling, when I get there, crawl in, get all comfy, my eyes pop open - I can't sleep!