Thank goodness it wasn't me

I won't lie, in this house we like to snack. I admit they're not always healthy snacks, but there is rarely a shortage of snacky type food. The one must have on my grocery list is Goldfish. Everyone loves them. At least they used to. I'm not sure I could ever eat one again. Ever.

A few weeks ago I wised up and started buying the big boxes of Goldfish. The big box that looks like a giant carton. As big as that box was, we would still blow through them. A few nights ago, ti was like any other night. The husband was upstairs working and he decided he needed a snack. I was trying to get the kids to clean up for bed, so he had to weave through the semi-organized chaos to get to the kitchen. He grabbed a bowl, poured some Goldfish it in, and started to head back upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, he turned around.

The Goldfish were dumped in the trash and the bowl thrown in the sink.

"I can't eat these. I just can't" he says.

In between yelling at the kids, I ask him why. "I just can't" was the only response I got. Stupid me, I kept pushing. Our girl just poured herself a bowl not 30 minutes earlier. I wanted to make sure she wasn't eating fuzzy fish or something crazy.

The husband finally fessed up. There was a spider mixed in with his fishies.


Now let me take a moment to ask if you have ever seen Arachnophobia? If you have, then you are well aware of what happens when the old couple sticks their hand in their bowl of popcorn. This movie is why spiders scare the shit out of me. If I happen to catch even a second of that movie? I won't sleep with a week!


Knowing this, it is beyond me why the husband had to tell me what he found. I love the fact that he sucks at lying, but he could have found a way to do it in this situation. The rat bastard!

And did he stop there? Of course not. As he is throwing the carton of fish in the trash he proceeds to tell me that there was not one, but two of those motherfuckers in there! What the hell?!

As he's apologizing for not lying about what he found, he's taking the garbage bag out to the cans. Once outside he realizes that it has been raining for a month. He didn't have shoes on. So guess who had to talk that creepy crawly bag to the curb? Moi! It was garbage night and I wasn't messing around. I didn't want those fuckers anywhere near my house!

Needless to say, we won't be eating Goldfish for quite some time. Especially me. I can't even imagine what the therapy bill would be if I made the discovery!