Prompt: Someone has stolen something from you (or your character). Something of tremendous value. What will you do to get it back?
This is a fictional story, but sadly for some, it can all too real.
Concrit is always welcome.
******************************************
Her blond curls hang down, slightly covering her rosy cheeks. Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies strewn about the room, while Dora plays on the tv behind her. She makes her Ponies talk while her Barbies enjoy their afternoon tea. Dora has saved the day yet again and she joins Dora in her celebration.
We did it! We did it!
As she sings along with Dora, she hears a door slam down the hall. She quickly stops singing and begins to listen. At first there is silence. She hopes she shut her damn mouth just in time. But then she hears it.
Clunk
Clunk
His boots hit the wooden floor. Slow, but not steady. Maybe he won't come in. She shut her damn mouth.
Louder and louder the sound grows.
Clunk
Clunk
She runs for her corner behind the closet door. A tear hangs in the corner of her eye. She begins to shake as she hears his heavy boots hit the wooden floor.
Clunk
Clunk
The louder the sound, the more she shakes. She tries to stop the tears. Daddy says she's not a damn baby anymore. As she hides her head between her knees, she can feel her tears slip down her legs.
He enters the room with a bang as he slams his Budweiser on the top of her dresser.
"I was loud daddy. I'm sorry. I'll be quiet now."
He looks down on her with his bloodshot eyes as he takes a swig of his beer. First one foot. Then the other.
Clunk
Clunk
Closer and closer he comes. "I work all day. When I come home, all I can hear is your damn mouth."
"I'm sorry, daddy. I can turn Dora off. I won't sing anymore." She sniffles as she pleads.
"Shut your damn mouth and quit crying. Only babies cry. You're not a damn baby"
"I'm sorry, daddy. Please. I'm sorry. I'm a big girl. No daddy, please. I'm a big girl."
He stumbles closer to her. Budweiser now covers her Ponies and Barbies. As he gets closer, she can smell the sourness of his breath.
She knows she is not a damn baby, but the tears start to flow.
"I'm sorry", she sobs. "I promise to be good."
Her sobs become muffled. His face now as red as his eyes. The tears in her eyes are soon replaced with fear as she begins to see what he is taking from her.
Her blond curls hang down, slightly covering her rosy cheeks. Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies strewn about the room. She sits quietly on her bed with a tear in her eye. She hears her daddy mumble, as he slowly clunks away. The damn baby is finally quiet.
"Please daddy, I'm sorry. I promise to be good if I can just have my life back."
7 comments:
I just love your writing...as soon as I saw your link for this prompt, I came over, knowing it would be great!! You didn't disappoint!
This was powerfully written and I found myself holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. Poor little girl...unfortunately, I can relate to that fear.
I just want to shoot the bastard. To think some innocent child has to bear this terror daily. A haunting piece you executed well.
Oh my gosh, my heart my breaks for that little girl. I will be MJ's alibi if she shoots that A-hole.
Please tell me that this is fiction and not reality. Oy, it infuriates me to think about.
Great use of repetition to build suspense: clunk. clunk.
Well done and yeah, that got my hackles up and fists clenched.
This made me so incredibly sad and, at the same time, so angry. That poor little girl!
Weel Done!
The tension you created tied my stomach in knots. Listening, praying he wouldn't come in. So sad. So awful.
The only concrit would be wondering if the last sentence is truly necessary.
Post a Comment