How do you know if you've done too much?
How do you know if you care too much?
These are some of the questions floating around in my little dirty blond head. I know some people wonder if it's even possible to care too much. Sometimes I'd beg to differ.
I care about people I meet, whether it's on- or offline. When they are in a rough place, I want to jump in and do what I can to help. When they are happy, I want to share in their joy.
Most days I am happy with those I surround myself with. No, they may not know all my secrets and all things I have been through in my life, but part of that is just who I am. Many things I choose not to talk about freely. However that doesn't mean if a certain subject were to arise I would run away and hide.
But then there are those days. Those moments where I wonder if I give more than I receive.
People who I thought were close to me? The relationship feels fractured. Yet I still continue to give. If I open my mouth or walk away, I will be seen as ungrateful, selfish. Possibly jealous. For now all I can do is hope that no one gets hurt in the end. This is not a situation I want to pick the pieces up from.
Sometimes when I have things figured out, I get smacked in the face. I don't know which way is up or which way is down. Who's words do I trust? Do I play the naive card? It's most likely the best route to take, but is it the best?
No one tells you how many questions life can hold. And there is no one out there who can give you the right answer. Perhaps I need to change more than just my dirty blond hair? Or perhaps things are sometimes better left untouched.