Why you shouldn't be a prostitute

It's funny the things you see when you take your 10 year old daughter out for a shopping trip and a snack.

The husband and I have a date night this weekend and I wanted a pair of fancy black tights to go with my dress. My daughter loves to shop, even if it's just window shopping, so I took her with me.  It was a quick trip to Target, even though I did walk out with more than I planned.  A quick trip like this doesn't usually work up an appetite, but by the time GG and I hit the check out, she was "staaaarrrrrr-ving!!!"  My skinny little girl can eat like the typical teenage boy!

After paying, we headed over towards the snack bar when she said she wanted mac 'n' cheese.  You have to get the whole kids meal to get mac 'n' cheese and I wasn't doing that.  I told her we would drive down the road and stop at Sheetz.  They have mac 'n' cheese.

We drove down the road, avoiding construction cones and pot holes that seem to be on every. stinkin. road in this forsaken city.  As I went to make the turn into Sheetz, I noticed the light show provided by a local police car.  I assumed someone was pulled over for blowing a red light or speeding, but as I drove by, I noticed a young woman being cuffed.

In an effort to distract GG who likes all things sparkly and flashy, I started telling her about all the trips to Sheetz I made when I was younger and the crazy food I got with my friends.  She laughed at me, but I did not sway her from the decision to eat mac 'n' cheese.  We ordered, paid, and GG asked if we could sit at one of the tables outside so she could eat her food while it was still hot.  Assuming the light show was gone because once your arrested, everyone pretty much leaves the scene, I said yes.  I assumed wrong.

Sitting at the table outside is when I realized that we were witnessing an undercover prostitution bust.  Why?  Let me explain...

A total of 3 vehicles were pulled over.  The first, a gray car.  The driver was a plain clothed police man/  The second, a minivan.  The driver of said minivan was handed papers from the uniformed police man in vehicle number 3.  Minivan man was also told to drive off after the girl was cuffed.  Upon closer inspection of the girl, her booty shorts and too-small tank could have fit my 10 year old!  Am I again making assumptions?  Probably.  But it sure was funny watching her argue with the cops from the back of the patrol car, while trying to wriggle out of the cuffs.  I really hope the minivan man wasn't married.  Then it would be a sucky night for both of them.

I realize it's cruel of me to laugh at other's misfortune, but this situation is why you should never be a prostitute.  Or try to pick one.  Or if you are a prostitute or pick one up, don't get caught!

Sticky Situation

I took the past week or so off from blogging. With the kids being home, it was family time. And really, who has time to read let alone post when kids are running circles around them?

Well, that and my computer died and I haven't quite adjusted to typing on my daughter's. Going from a netbook to a desktop is more of an adjustment than you would first think.

I had every intention of writing a few posts last week. Those plans got pushed back to Saturday evening while waiting for the ball to drop. Vodka got in the way of that ever happening, which pushed my writing back to Monday. My plans for Monday evening were to meet up with some lovely ladies for a nice dinner and discuss my new job. When I came home, I planned on putting to "paper" what ha been floating around in my head. And then it happened.

The text no mother wants to get. Especially a mother who went through hell and high water to get her son a toy he really wanted for Christmas - a Leappad.

I was munching on some fried calamari while waiting for my Mahi Mahi to come when I decided to check my phone. With my son having a cold, I was waiting for a text from the husband asking where the cold medicine was. I noticed that my husband had call AND left a message. Assuming someone must be really sick, but not being able to hear him talk in the restaurant, I sent a text asking "What's up?" The response I got?

"Leap pad is damned near ruined"

Hoping the husband was just blowing things out of proportion, I naturally asked why. Gum was the answer to that question.

What the hell could my boy possibly do with gum to ruin an electronic device was beyond me, and quite frankly I wasn't sure I wanted to know details. Over the next few minutes I learned that Gojo had got most of the gum off the device. That led me to believe it was ON the LeapPad and not IN it. Thank goodness!

At this point I assumed things were taken care as best as they could be and I would deal with it more when I got back home. I thought I would end the conversation with "As long as [the LeapPad] still works. Take all gum from them asap." Apparently our conversation was not over. How do I know this? Because I then learned that the gum that was stuck on my boy's face and chest WOULD NOT COME OFF!!

What the hell kind of gum was this?!

Needless to say, my son is banned from using his LeapPad until further notice and neither child is allowed to have gum for a very, very long time. I'm including my daughter in the gum banning because for all I know, she was somehow involved. Just because a 10 year old should know better does not mean they always make the right choices.

It's never a dull moment in this house, but that's not to say I didn't learn something from all of this.

1. Hide any and all electronics when I am going out for the night.

2. Hide all gum and any candy that resembles gum.

3. Vegetable oil does wonders for removing gum from plastic.

I hope your Christmas break was better than mine. I do have many happy moments from our break. I promise to share them once I find and remove all gum from this house.

Crack Bread

I have always been afraid of making bread. I associate making bread with yeast and needing things to rise. Those are scary concepts to me as I'm not a huge baker. Earlier this year I came across a bread recipe in a Food Network magazine my mother-in-law had laying around. I am so glad I made a copy of the recipe. It is super easy and there's a very good reason why I refer to it as Crack Bread.

Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

Ingredients

2 well ripened bananas
1 cup milk chocolate chips
1 1/4 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
2 eggs
1/2 cup cooled melted butter OR vegetable oil
1/2 cup plain yogurt OR sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon citrus zest (optional)

Preheat oven to 350
Lightly butter one 9x5 loaf pan or three 6x3 mini pans


1. Peel and mash the bananas. I usually use a fork for this. Set aside

2. Mix all the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl

3. In a medium bowl, whisk 2 eggs, butter/vegetable oil, yogurt/sour cream, vanilla extract and citrus zest. Stir in the mashed bananas.

4. Fold the egg and banana mixture into the dry mixture until just combined.

5. Spread the batter in the prepared pan(s). Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 55 minutes for a standard loaf, 35-40 minutes for mini loaves. Cool 30 minutes in the pan(s) on a rack, then turn out onto the rack to completely cool.

My Tips

I use vegetable oil instead of melted butter because melting butter is just a pain in the ass. I also use sour cream because, like bread and milk, it is a staple in our house.

Instead of buttering the loaf pan, I line it with foil. After cooling for at least 30 minutes, you can lift the bread right out of the pan and you also have one less dish to wash. Genius, right?

I have yet to try this, but if you are feeling especially ambitious, you can also make a glaze by whisking 1 cup confectioners' sugar, 2 tablespoons cocoa powder, 2 tablespoons milk, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract and a pinch of salt. Drizzle over the cooled bread and let set, 15-20 minutes.


This bread is so rich and creamy. If it wasn't for that fact, I could very well sit my ass on the couch and eat the whole loaf.

I have a list of other ways to make this bread using different fruits and vegetables, as well as other mix-ins besides chocolate chip. Let me know if you're interested!


*Have a recipe or craft you would like to share? I would love to feature it here! Contact me at eumbel at gmail dot com*

Creamy Beef Stroganoff - recipe

Last week I wrote a post about my son cooking dinner and the reaction I got when I bragged about it. It's still a sore subject, but I have moved on. At the end of that post I promised to share the recipe last Friday.

Last week, weekend included, was the week from hell. Crazy busy doesn't even begin to describe how I was. Because of that, I'm not sure if I can make it through Christmas. So before I completely lose my mind, I want to share this recipe for beef stroganoff that I found on All Recipes. Not only is it good, but it is so easy to make. So easy, my 6 year old made. Except for cutting up the beef and the onions.


Ingredients

• 1 pound beef sirloin steak, cut into strips
• 1/2 cup chopped onions
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/2 pound sliced fresh mushrooms
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1 (10 ounce) tub PHILADELPHIA Original Cooking Creme*
• 1/3 cup fat-free reduced-sodium beef broth
• 2 cups hot cooked noodles
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

*I used Italian Herb flavor Cooking Creme. The garlic flavor is good, too, but I would only use 1/2 of a tub mixed with 1/2 block of cream cheese. It is strong!


Directions

1. Boil noodles according to package directions.

2. Cook mean and onions in large nonstick skillet on medium heat 5 to 6 minutes, or until done. Remove from skillet; drain. Cover to keep warm.

3. Add butter to skillet; cook until melted. Add mushrooms and pepper; cook 5 to 6 minutes or until mushrooms are tender.

4. Add cooking creme; cook and stir 2 minutes. Return meat to skillet; stir in broth. Cook 5 minutes

5. Serve over noodles; sprinkle with parsley.

Serves 4

My Tips

I buy a package of pre-cut skillet steaks, roughly 1/2 pound. I cut each strip in half. This saves on time.

I also buy a package of pre-sliced and washed mushrooms. Again, a time saver!

If you decide to make this, I'd love to hear what you think of this meal!

hosted by Amy from Keeping up with the Schultz Family

It's not a competition

Worrying if I am doing the best for my children is a constant struggle of mine. I know I am not alone in this. Not a day goes by when I don't see another mom, online or off, struggling with her role as a mother.

Along with raising our children to the best of our abilities, part of motherhood is also supporting our fellow moms. When another mom is struggling, we rally together to offer our support. When another mom is bragging about her child's latest accomplishment, we join in her celebration.

What motherhood is not is a competition.


Earlier this week, my son, who is 6, made dinner. And I'm not talking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'm talking this...

Beef Stroganoff

Aside from cutting up and cooking the meat and onions, he cooked the rest of the meal. And it was delicious!

Of course I had to share. I posted to Facebook and I posted to Twitter. I expected one of two things - congratulations or nothing at all. What I did not expect was a woman warning me about a cooking disaster her daughter had. This is not the first time this woman has turned my proud moment into a disastrous moment about her daughter.

I brag about my children because I am proud of what they do. I do not need my joy crushed with warnings of what could happen. If you want to share a similar story with me about your child, by all means, please do so. I would honestly love to hear it. But your child is no better than mine. And mine are no better than yours.

I wish everyone would stop and think before they speak, tweet, or comment. It's about supporting, not competing.




Visit Shell for more PYHO links and come back on Friday if you want the recipe for this delicious stroganoff!

Thankful

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful. Thankful is something you should be all year, but this time of year it is stressed. I have many things to be thankful for.

Even if they are a pain in my ass.


I am thankful for...


Mount Laundry

Not a day goes by where I don't have one pile or another of clothes to wash. But every time I trip over one of those piles or leave a trail of socks behind me as I walk down to the laundry room, I am reminded of how thankful I am we are able to all have clothes on our backs. Or the floor.


Skyscrapers of dishes in the sink

Or on the counter. My daughter and I share the responsibility of washing said dishes. If I'm not complaining about the lasagna that burned to the pan and won't come off, then I'm bribing her to actually wash them at a reasonable hour. No matter how much whining and crying I do over those dishes, I am reminded of thankful I am we are able to fill plates with food each and every night.


Children

Whether they are fighting or laughing, I know that they always have and always will love one another. I can't imagine my life without them. It is truly a miracle that the husband and I let them live this long created such beautiful creatures.



Creaky floors and leaky pipes

It is no secret that I hate this house. So many memories have been made here, but most days, it still doesn't feel like a home. Just a house. But no matter how I feel about this house of ours, I am always thankful that we have a roof over our heads.


Alarm clocks

Not a day goes by when I don't want to chuck them into the wall. Yes I said them. This chic loves her sleep! But since one of those alarms is on my phone, which I also love, I resist the urge to throw things at the butt crack of noon dawn. Instead of throwing, I remind myself that hearing my alarms every morning remind me that I am alive. And I am very thankful for that.


Coffee

Do I really need to explain this one?!


***********************

I am taking the remainder of this week off to enjoy a day of good food, followed by a long day of shopping. I hope everyone out there has a happy turkey day.


May you gobble til you wobble!

Come on get happy

Last weekend was my daughter's 10th birthday. As it is a tradition, I once again made her cake. Or in this case, cupcakes.

Browsing through Pinterest, my daughter and I came across 2 different cupcakes that she fell in love with. She decided on the sunshine cupcakes, and perhaps we will save the owl ones for another year.

With a little bit of patience,
sunshine cupcakes are so easy to make.

Items Needed:

1 box vanilla cake mix
1 tub white frosting
Yellow food coloring
1 tube of black icing
Decorating tips
Candy corns

*I use Cake Mate tubes of frosting because the company also sells a pack of decorating tips that screw right onto the tubes. Super easy to use!*

Make the cupcakes according to the directions on the box. While the cupcakes are baking, empty half of the frosting into a bowl. Add 10-12 drops of yellow food coloring. Mix well. Frost your cupcakes once they have cooled.

*Half a canister of frosting was just the right amount for 24 cupcakes. If you find you need more frosting, add some more to the bowl with a few extra drops of food coloring*

Once you have all of your cupcakes frosted, you can begin placing candy corns around the outer edge. I found that 6 or 7 candy corns were just enough. By placing the candy corns on first, you can now easily judge how much room you have to draw a face.

Finally, you can place your happy cupcakes in your brand new, super cool cupcake/cake carrier. Or maybe that's just me. I may only use this thing twice a year, but it was definitely worth the purchase!

One more thing, If you are not eating the cupcakes right away, I would suggest putting them in the fridge until ready to serve. I'm not sure what happened, but some of the candy corns were slipping off of the cupcakes by the time we got to my mom's house for my daughter's party.


Do you make cakes for your child's birthday? If so, what have you made?


If you have a recipe or craft you would like to share, I would love to feature you! Contact me at eumbel (at) gmail (dot) com

Quick pasta carbonara (how to)

That, over there? The cooking creme? It's my new best friend!

How I have never thought to use it before is beyond me. But now that we have met, I am trying to find as many recipes as I can just to use Cooking Creme.

Recipes such as Quick Pasta Carbonara. I'm going to share my version of this dish with you. The only vegetable in the original are peas. I have 2 kids and we all know how much kids love peas!


Ingredients:

1 box or bag egg noodles, approx. 1 pound
4-6 slices bacon (I went for 6!)
1 tub Philadelphia Cooking Creme, Italian Cheese & Herb flavor
1 bag frozen vegetables (I chose a broccoli, cauliflower, carrot mix)

1. Cook pasta as directed on package. Meanwhile, cook bacon is a large skillet until crisp.

2. Remove bacon from the skillet with a slotted spoon, reserving 2 Tbsp drippings. Drain bacon on a paper towel.

3. Add vegetables to the skillet. Cook until they are heated through. Add the Cooking Creme and let simmer for 5 minutes.

4. While the vegetable mixture is simmering in the skillet, crumble the bacon. Add the bacon to the skillet in the last minute to heat through.

5. Add the vegetable mixture to the noodles. Serve and enjoy!

I have decided to make sharing a recipe or craft a weekly Friday feature. I can't possibly come up with something to share every week. I am opening up this blog to guest posters. If you have a recipe or craft you would like to share, contact me at eumbel (at) gmail (dot) com.

Crock Pot Steak and Potato Soup

While I may not be a fan of this cooler weather, I do love the meals associated with Fall. I also love crock pot meals that are easy to prepare. This is why Steak and Potato Soup is one of my favorite dinners to prepare.

recipe/image from Betty Crocker

Ingredients


1 lb beef boneless round steak

1 lb small red potatoes, cut into 1/4-inch slices

2 medium stalks celery, chopped

2 medium carrots, chopped

1 medium onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 T beef bouillon granules

1.2 tsp pepper

2 cartons (32 oz each) beef flavored broth

1 jar (6 oz) sliced mushrooms, undrained

1/2 C water

1/2 C flour

1. Cut beef into 1 x 1/4- inch pieces. Mix beef and remaining ingredients, except water and flour in a 5-quart slow cooker.

2. Cover and cook on Low 8-9 hours

3. Mix water and flour in a small bowl; gradually stir into soup until blended. Increase heat setting to High. Cover and cook about 30 minutes or until slightly thickened.



I stick to this recipe, with a few minor alterations.

- A bag of precut celery stalks. Ever since I was pregnant with my son, the smell of raw celery turns my stomach. Since these stalks are smaller, I can cut each one into thirds, toss them in the pot and be done. I use about half a bag.

- A bag of baby carrots. I cut each carrot in half, thirds if one is especially large. I use half the bag for the soup and the other half is for my kids to take in their school lunches.

- 6 beef bouillon cubes is approximately the same amount as 1 Tablespoon of the granules.


Because I am not a morning person, I usually prepare the soup later in the day and cook it on high for 4-5 hours. I slowly add the flour to the water, mixing quickly with a fork. I slowly add this mixture to the crock pot, cover, and continue to cook on high for another 30 minutes.


If you choose to make this soup, I hope your family enjoys it as much as mine.


____________________________

This post is linked to KludgyMom's I Love Fall Foods

How to ruin a potential friendship

Attend, as well as host, a Tupperware party.


In mid-August, a girl from a bar my mom frequents was hosting a Tupperware party. We shall call this girl Tami. Not wanting to go alone, my mom invited me. I was quite excited because I wasn't sure if Tupperware even existed anymore.

The consultant, we shall call her Barbie, was a little too bubbly for my taste. But that doesn't mean we didn't enjoy ourselves. We saw some of the newest products, had some wicked good salsa, and my mom even "won" a necklace. Quotes because she didn't get to keep the necklace, but she could keep what was inside the mini container of a charm. Provided she host a party, of course.

At the end of the party, my mom and I filled out our order forms and chose a date for the party. Guess who got suckered into co-hosting said party? Ya, this girl. We chose a date in mid-September and were told by Barbie she would contact us when she returned from her training in Disney (oh-la-la). She was leaving the following day.

Two weeks pass and my mom and I are beginning to wonder where our products were and when we would hear from Barbie. I turned to the Tupperware website, which happens to be crap. I have an easier time contacting blog owners than someone from the Tupperware corporate office! But I did discover that products take 9 business days to ship. We should have had our products by then, but decided to give it a few more days.

Week three. We finally hear from Barbie, consultant extraordinaire. She says our party is all set up and ready to go. She would send one of us books and order forms within a few days so we could try to get outside orders. I inquired about our products. Our products were shipped directly to Tami because we opted out of the extra cost to have them shipped to us. That little $4.50 option was never explained to us.

This is where everything really started to go downhill.

My mom didn't get to the bar until later that week, when she was finally able to grab our products from Tami's car. Tami had been driving around with our stuff for almost 3 weeks by this point. She had our phone numbers, yet never called. She knew my mom's "friend", who goes there more than my mom, yet Tami never mentioned anything to him. Our books and order forms arrived the following week, 4 days before our party. Two books, order forms we couldn't read, and 4 days does not do well when trying to get outside orders, thankyouverymuch!

By now I was ready to cancel the party, but I sucked it up. If I would have known Barbie was going to talk for 4 damn hours at the party, I definitely would have canceled. We only had 5 people, and that's including my mom and I! She's lucky the party wasn't at my house or I surely would have kicked her out, products and all. Well, most of them.

We closed our party a week later. There were a few more bumps in the road, but not even a week after closing, our products arrived. Thank goodness this debacle was over!

Or so I thought.

Because my mom ordered stuff from Tami, she returned the favor. But instead of giving my mom her order, she gave it directly to Barbie. They're like BFFs or something. We only figured out Tami's order by process of elimination. Since my mom doesn't go to Tami's bar very often, she thought she would return the favor by driving around with her products in the car until she saw her.

Turns out Tami isn't a fan of this being done to her. Tami wants her special water pitcher. Tami has called Barbie, who has sent a text to my mom as well as calling me. We both explained that Tami will get her stuff. We're not sure when, but it will be by the end of the week. I really didn't want to wait a month for my new pitcher either. Karma. That's all I have to say.

And after all of this, Barbie didn't seem to understand why I don't want to be on her team as a consultant. We could all use a little extra money, but sorry honey. I'm not that desperate!




Because I know at least one girl from my party who sometimes reads this, thank you so much for helping me out by ordering and booking a party. I really hope your party goes over just as well as mine did, minus all the talking. But please don't be offended if I don't physically come. I'm not sure I can spend anymore time in the same room as Barbie!

I miss my childhood

I miss my childhood.

The waxy smell of a freshly opened box of crayons. Any color was mine for the choosing.

Bright, cheery yellow

Calm, soothing blue

Make me giggle and smile like the girl I was pink.

I was free to color whatever I wanted, however I wanted. Trees don't always have green leaves when you are 5. Sometimes they can be purple. And, if I was so inclined, I could make the sun orange. It didn't matter if I colored out of the lines. Mom loved my pictures no matter what they looked like. Each and everyone was carefully hung on the fridge with one of Grandma's numerous chicken magnets.


I miss my childhood.

Cookies were baked with Grandma in the weeks leading to Christmas. Flour covered our shirts and the table. Red icing on my cheek from the itch I scratched. While Grandma turned to place the next batch in the oven, I would quietly grab a ball of dough from the next batch to be made.


I miss my childhood.

Endless days playing hide-n-seek or riding bikes from one friend's house to the next. Out all day until the street lights came on.

Countless winter days grumbling while mom bundled me up. Her efforts led to hours of sledding and snowman building. When all 3 layers of pants were wet and I could no longer feel my toes, Mom was always there with hot chocolate in hand.


I miss my childhood.

Crayons have been replaced by pens and keyboards. My work must be precise and I must always, always stay in the lines. Leaves are now green and the sun is always yellow. My work is no longer displayed on the fridge. Instead it is full of lists and reminders.


I miss my childhood.

In the weeks leading to Christmas, my children and I bake. We have icing and sprinkles and flour in our hair. But they must never, ever eat the dough. There are raw eggs in there and we don't want anyone sick. Although I do know they sneak tastes as I once did.


I miss my childhood.

It is too cold for me to go outside. I zip all the zippers and tie both of their scarves. They grumble as I fidget. Are your feet all the way in? Are you mittens on tight?

I watch my children build snow forts as I place one clean shirt onto the pile. They slide down our hill as I try to find a match for yet another sock. I must hurry and finish so I have time to make hot chocolate before they are too cold.


I miss my childhood.



This week’s Write on Edge prompt is to use the image above for your inspiration and begin your post with those words…”I miss my childhood…”

Word limit- 500
My count- 443

Constructive criticism always welcome

Wants and needs

Everyone wants it

Everyone needs it

Some don't get enough

Some can't get enough


Slow and sweet

Like eating a popsicle

one lick at a time


Hot and heavy

Like a rich chocolate mocha

with whipped cream on top


Two people in love

Or strangers in a bar


Sometimes for a purpose

Sometimes just for fun


From your head to your toes

You can feel it


Everyone wants

Everyone needs

The pleasure that comes with it

Red Dress Club prompt ~ Let's talk about sex, baby.

Without actually writing about the act.

I don't know if I accomplished that, so please be kind with concrit.

But I do know I am in the mood for something like a dark chocolate mocha ;)

I worry, even when I don't have to

A night out with friends. I am ready to go. I wave to my kids as we drive away.

I wonder what they will do while we are gone.


From the passenger window I watch the fields pass by as we head down the highway.

I wonder if my son is still watching the bulldozers digging up Grandma's street.


We stop at Subway for dinner. Five dollar footlongs for all!

I wonder if my kids are eating their pizza. It's not from our usual pizza shop.


We arrive at the concert site and quickly open our beers. We chat as we watch those around us stumble to the ground.

I worry about what my kids are doing. Are they fighting? Did someone fall? They are quite clumsy.


We make our way in to hear a favorite singer. The music is loud as we sing along.

I worry my kids are watching too much tv. Did they choose a show not allowed in our home?


The music is over. We find our way back to the car. Traffic was light in the direction we chose. The back roads are dark, but they have an advantage.

I worry that my kids are still awake. It is much past their bedtime, and they don't like the dark.


From the passenger window I watch the fields pass by as we head down the highway. The fields that were once covered in sun are now peppered with the gentle glow of fireflies.

I worry about my kids, but I know they are safe. They are surrounded by family and I by my friends. We will always be there to keep each other safe.






*to answer the question as to what my kids chose to watch- let's just say my 5 year old now knows the theme song for Cops!*

Don't blame Mickey D

Saturday afternoon I started off watching a hockey game. It was going anyway but mine, so I decided it was time to change the channel. I am a loyal hockey fan, but I just can't watch my boys get annihilated.

After flipping through the 842 channels, I finally settled on the Travel Channel. One of those food countdown shows was on and I love those. This one in particular was the 101 Chowdown Countdown. I watched 2 episodes and caught numbers 80 through 41. What I took away from that 2 hours is that McDonald's cannot be blamed for the huge rise of obesity in this country. Don't get me wrong, it plays a role, but after this show, that role appears smaller than I first thought.

I love food, and if you read my post from Friday, you'd understand from my admittance of a guilty pleasure. As much as I love food, the amount and types of food on this show were sickening. Let me indulge you in what the Travel Channel thinks are some of the greatest foods in this country of ours.


Chicken fried steak

I love chicken fried steak. Honestly, I love many southern foods, but this is one of my favorites. What amazed me about the steak at this particular restaurant (forgive me, I can't remember the name) was that the small portion spilled over the sides of an average dinner plate. That's a lot of chicken fried steak! As if something fried isn't bad enough, we all know that chicken fried steak isn't complete without the cream gravy. Your arteries are sure to love you after that meal!


Burritos

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Except for maybe the sour cream, ingredients inside a burrito aren't all that bad for you. However, when your burrito is 18 inches long and weighs 5 pounds, then it might be bad for you! The Burritozilla can be found at Iguanas.








Chicken fried bacon

Yes you read that right. I love bacon, but this has absolutely no appeal to me what so ever. If this is what you want from the menu, you might as well save yourself a step and eat the grease right out of the fryer! If you'd prefer the bacon over grease, you can find it at Frank Sodolak's Country Inn in Texas.





Fat Daddy


I'm adding this item to my list because in my 32 years, I have never seen anything like it. This "sandwich" is served at Munchies 4:20 cafe. I really think you need to be high to want to eat this monstrosity! You name it, it's on there! The restaurant boasts that this sandwich has everything from the menu on it. There are burger patties, 20+ slices of cheese. french fries, chicken fingers and mozzarella sticks just to name a few items.







Every time I watch one of these countdown shows, it answers all my questions about obesity. Almost every restaurant owner featured seems to have the same philosophy - the bigger, the better. Apparently, the greasier the better, too.

Two become one

Prompt #1~ "write a formal complaint letter to your deepest, darkest fear."

It's not exactly formal, but than again, neither am I!

If you have any advice on escaping my fear, please let me know.









To whom it may concern,


Do I really need to call you out by name? I didn't think so. We need to talk. I have some issues with you and I've realized that I need to get you out of my life.

I hide from you. I pretend you're not there. But no matter what I do, you always end up right next to me. I'm starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home. That almost scares me more than you do.

The hold you have on me is so constricting. Every night, all I want to do is sit on the couch and relax. I want to be able to enjoy Hines dancing the night away. I want to be able to watch my boys catch some crab. I'd love to find out what's going to happen to Meredith and Callie, but you keep interrupting me.

Right there in my face. Take me, enjoy me - I swear I can hear you scream. If I continue to give in, I fear that I may become you. Together, forever, in a downward spiral.


Please chocolate chip cookies, stay out of my house!


Sincerely,

Saying good-bye

Dear world,

I am writing this while I can still form a coherent thought. If you are reading this, there's a good chance that I am already gone.

I thought I could make, but as it turns out, I tried to hard and in the end, I failed. It was just too much for me to handle.

I would like to apologize ahead of time if I start to ramble. I think it is probably due to the overload of caffeine I consumed instead of beer. Sadly, It may be starting to wear off and I am slipping into a coma.

The reason I must say good-bye is because my eyes are bigger than my stomach. For dinner Monday night I made this kick ass taco soup/dip. There's always plenty leftover and I was more than happy to finish it off for lunch the following day. I'm not sure if that was my best idea, but it felt right at the time. I laid down for a bit and that seemed to help.

Later last night it was time to eat some of my awesome steak and potato soup. Again my eyes deceived me. The soup itself was not the issue, it was the bread. Beer bread to be more specific. Except we were out of beer, which is probably a good thing. I used the next best thing - Pepsi. This bread is quite tasty, but it can also serve another purpose. If thrown at someone, it could very well knock them out. Now imagine what that weight does to your stomach.

I can slowly feel myself slipping into a coma. This is not a good thing, which is why I feel now is the time to say my good-byes.


This post, along with the author, will self-destruct 30 seconds after reading.



ps. If you want the recipes, let me know. But don't say I didn't warn you about the coma that will follow!

Pink and pretty with sprinkles on top

"Can we go now? Please?"

Erica bounced around the kitchen, flapping her arms like the birds outside on the feeder. She was desperately trying to get her Pap's attention.

"I ate all my lunch. Even the crust! Please?"

Her Pap sighed. "As soon as I finish these dishes we can go. But you need to put your toys away first."


Erica bounced down the hallway to the family room. As she stacked her blocks into the box she hummed along with Mister Rogers, even though his show wasn't one of her favorites. As she placed the last block in the box, she heard her Pap turn off the water in the kitchen sink. She bounced to the kitchen and before she could get out a single word, he nodded a yes and asked her to get her jacket. She couldn't wait to get her favorite afternoon snack.


Erica held her Pap's hand as they crossed the parking lot. Once he opened the door of the store, the heavenly scent hit her like a tidal wave. Erica was young. At 4 she wasn't yet aware of the world outside her little town, but she did know the joys that came from within that store.

In front of her stood the tall glass case. She pressed her tiny hands against the glass, leaving tiny fingerprints for all to see. Before her eyes were the most glorious treats. Three level cakes covered in green and white fondant with pink flowers. Apple pies with slices of apple delicately placed in the center. Loaves of bread that had to be bigger than her.

But she didn't want any of those things. She wanted the treats that were tucked on the far left of the case. Donuts. They were lined up nice and neat, like soldiers in formation. Which one would she choose today?

Boston Creme? Powdered Strawberry Filled? Perhaps the bumpy ones? She thought her Pap said they were called "Coolers"? As she pulled out her finger to point out her choice of the day, something caught her eye. It was bright pink and pretty with sprinkles on top. A new donut? That was what she wanted.

Her Pap spoke to the baker and paid for her treat. They said their good-byes and walked through the door. Erica loved to sit on the bench to eat while the sun kissed her pale, skinny legs.

She opened her mouth to take the first bite. The smell of raspberries tickled her nose. In her excitement over a new flavored treat, her fingers began to tremble. Her pink donut wavered and fell to the sidewalk. It broke into three pieces. The sidewalk now smeared with pink and littered with sprinkles. A tear came to her eye but before it could fall, her Pap reached out his hand. In it he held a new pink and pretty donut with sprinkles on top.

Pap always had a way of knowing that she would most likely drop her donut.





This is a fictional story loosely based on my childhood. Quite often my Pap would take me out for ice cream. And quite often I would drop my ice cream after only one lick. Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Concrit always welcome!

Right out of the garden

It's long and green.

Too big for my tiny hands.


I carry it gently to the house.

Not too tight or the prickles will hurt.


My grandma washes it off in her kitchen sink.

She slices some for her salad. The rest is for me.


I carefully pick up a slice between two fingers. No longer prickly, I examine the outside skin. It's bright green, with spots of white. I see small flecks of brown. They must be from it's home back in the garden. Inside is pale green, almost white. I count the seeds and debate on eating them first. I love to make a ring, and those seeds are my favorite part.

I decide to take a bite. Working my way from the outside in, saving my favorite part for last. The dark green outside is chewy and almost sharp. If I don't chew it enough, pieces get stuck between my tiny teeth.

The taste is so hard to describe. It's like nothing else I love to eat. The pale green, almost white, is fresh, crisp, and just tastes healthy.


The green is gone and all that remains are the juicy, slimy seeds. I pop the whole center of the slice in my mouth. I know if I try to eat each seed individually, they will slide down my chin and onto the floor.

There's not a distinct taste to the seeds. Just juicy, fresh and clean.

I cannot compare the flavor of this food to any other, but for as long as I can remember, cucumbers have been my favorite. Especially right out of the garden.



The Red Dress Club


This week's prompt:
write about your favorite fresh fruit or vegetable.

Why does this keep happening?

What the hell?! It happened again. I'm so tired of going through this

EVERY

SINGLE

YEAR

Yet again I get to "celebrate" being yet another year older. I'm now twenty-twelve. Yes, that's a number! How do I commemorate this not so joyous event? By covering the gray that's creeping into my hair (damn genetics) and listening to the nails on a chalkboard sweet sound of my knees creaking.

Fuck Yay me!


I'm so overcome with joy over this day that I don't know what to do. I think the only way to ease my mind is to sit my ass on the couch and eat all the junk that I can find in the house. There is no other way, right?

Magic Tricks

Thursdays? They suck. Words cannot express how much I hate Thursdays, so we'll just leave it as that days sucks big hairy donkey balls. If you want me to be more specific, I'll zone in on the first Thursday of each month. If this keeps up for another few months, I may end up in a padded room.

Let me break it down for you...

Noon- leave to pick up the husband
2pm - return from getting the husband
2:50- get boy from school
3:30 - get girl from school
4pm- take husband to work conference (on the other side of town, during rush hour!)
5:50- head to Girl Scouts
7:45- leave from Scouts to pick up the husband (on the other side of town, with snow covered roads!)
9pm- return home, finish homework, send midgets to bed


In those 9 hours I had two 20 minute blocks of time where I had to start the homework and try to find something that was dinner appropriate. Leftover pizza totally counts as nutritious, right?

And if running around like a chicken with my head cut off isn't amusing enough, I had to sit in a room for 90 minutes with 7 girls who have no clue how to STFU! I was taught to listen to and respect adults. Apparently parents don't teach their kids this anymore.


We were making our final drive home. My head was pounding from the incessant chatter from 7 girls, my stomach was eating itself I was so hungry, and I had to drive slow due to the snow. A little voice chimes in from the backseat. "Mom, when are we having dinner?"

If someone can teach me how to magically pull an extra hour or two out of my ass, please let me know.