The proof is on the paper

People tell me I am Super Mom.

I am not only a member of the PTA, but I attend each and every meeting. I volunteer my time at school functions. I am a Girl Scout leader. I make home made Halloween costumes. I crochet Christmas gifts. I do crafts with my kids. If I am not running here, I am running there. I have so much on plate, but seem to get it all done.

I can also pretend. I may appear to be Super Mom, but if you look closer, you will realize I am not.

My house is a mess. My list of unfinished projects is almost as long as those I have finished. I have a smile on my face, but I may not be truly happy. I yell at my children. Oh, how I yell.

My children could care less about the projects I have not finished. They could care less about the mess, which most often leas to the yelling. And the yelling they care about.

Sunday night. Just home from my in-laws and a mountain of things to do before the kids went to bed. My son didn't finish putting his toys away before we left, but now he was "too tired" to do it. My daughter needed to wash some of the dishes. I needed room in the kitchen to bake the following day. The dry skin on her elbow hurt and the soap only makes it worse.

I asked. I pleaded. I began to yell. They wouldn't have time to play with glow sticks in the tub if they didn't finish their chores.

Things were beginning to unravel, but they finally finished their jobs.

My son played in the tun while my daughter practiced her flute. But he finished his bath first. He quickly dressed and ran downstairs to pester her. Already being frustrated with her flute practice, she began to yell. I yelled at my son as I stormed up to the bathroom too prepare my daughter's bath.

All was calm while she played, but when the last drop of water drained from the tub, tempers flared again. I was tired. I had enough. I yelled and scolded for the things they have not done. Daily chores that are ignored. Too many toys taken out that take too long to put away.

"Why do I have to keep reminding you? Why do you make me yell? I am not happy! I am very disappointed!"

My children shuffled off to bed while I escaped to the couch, holding back tears. I heard what I said and I didn't like it. My children went to bed upset and I did not like it. I needed to apologize and let them know just how much I love them.

I returned to the steps and began to climb. As I reached the top step I realized it was not my children who had disappointed me. It was me who disappointed my children. The proof was sitting on the floor outside my son's room.

No Mom

Mom not alawde
(Mom not allowed)

Pour Your Heart Out

This may very well be the hardest post I have written. I want to be the kind of mom my kids look back on as adults and think how great their childhood was. I try. I really do. But on this night I failed. Lately I feel like I fail more than I succeed. The proof is on the paper.


Shell said...

Oh, girl.

We all have our moments.

I screeched at my kids last night. One of my boys said "Mommy, you are NOT nice!"

And my heart broke a little.

All we can do is try again another day. And remember that we all make mistakes.

Di said...

We do all make mistakes. And its okay to say that your plate is too full and to pull back a little. To give yourself time to take care of the things you need to do.

ckbrylliant said...

Oh, this breaks my heart because it's like reading a page from my own blog, We have all been there and yelled much worse than you. Some choose to pretend they don't but we know the truth.

My Mercurial Nature said...

Oh dear...I yell, too. I know very few moms who haven't had their share of moments where they just get fed up and start shouting. It sounds like you do SO MUCH that you don't have time to just sit down and enjoy it all. Take it easy on yourself!

Adrienne said...

I hate yelling, yet I do it all the time. We all mess up. I wish there was a such thing as a do over.

Babes Mami said...

Start again tomorrow. That's all you can do.

I would have been a little broken hearted to find them but kids don't always react rationally, they rarely do!

You got this.

Leigh Ann @ Genie in a Blog said...

Oh, how this seems familiar. I had a horrible Tuesday and ended up crying in FRONT of my kids, with one of them standing at the gate, also crying, and saying, "Whass the matter Mommy? You crying?" Break my heart! We all have those days, and we can only go up from there. Hugs.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

We do the best we can... we really do. I snapped at my son one morning when he was in Kindergarten and yelled at him the whole way to school... my poor, sweet boy who so rarely does anything wrong. I felt so guilty that I had someone watch my daughter and picked him up early for lunch and one-on-one time.

We all do it. We are only human.

Jessica said...

This is so tough but we all have our bad days and the best thing about kids is they forgive us so much more quickly than we forgive ourselves.

Emily said...

Yes, we ALL have our moments. Thanks for showing some real honesty.

Anti-Supermom said...

Perfect post! It happens to me all the time too, I hear that I'm a supermom, and I'm like, 'heck no', there are so many things I fail at'.

And accepting that is the best part, knowing that we are all doing just the best that we can... and things will fall through the cracks, because they weren't necessary in the first place.