Oh, my eyes! Costume fail!

Yesterday started off like most days for me. I took the husband to work, took the midgets to school, and returned home. Like most mornings, I turn on the computer - check my email, read a few blogs, and get on Facebook.

I'm on Facebook, scrolling through my news feed when suddenly...

My eyes! Oh god, my eyes!!

I have never wanted to un-see something so bad in my life.

Let me back up a bit so I can explain something. Say what you will, but I have never been one to watch porn. I honestly have no desire to see another man's goods. My own husband? That's another story. That's what I married him for! Well, that and he's awesome. Other men? They can keep their stuff to themselves, thank you very much!


How is this related to Facebook, you ask? At this point I'm sure you have an idea, but I'll tell you anyway.

There's this guy. We went to school together, from the elementary level up. We were kind of friends when we were young, but as high school came around, we took different paths. I have no idea why he friend requested me on Facebook, but whatever. I accepted. Apparently I have a knack for accepting people when I shouldn't.

In the past, his profile picture has been him laying up in a hospital bed after a night of partying too much. He was nothing short of fucked up in this picture. Personally, I don't think that is something a 30+ year old should be proud of, but whatever.


Anyway, back to scrolling through my news feed. I get maybe halfway down the page when I see that this guy and a few other people have changed their profile pictures. The picture of this guy was small, so dumbass me felt the need to click on it. He was decked out in Halloween gear and I like to see other people's costumes.

Do you remember all the Brett Favre accusations? Not the flirting and similar douchbaggery, but the pictures he was accused of sending out. Yep, that was this guy's costume! From the waist up? A Vikings shirt. From the waist down? Nothing but a pair of panty hose! They were nude in color, and basically, so was he!

Oh god, my eyes!!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the human race as a whole is intelligent, individuals? Not so much!

I need an intervention

I had this whole entire post in my head for yesterday. I was finally ready to come clean. But then my addiction had to rear it's ugly head. Again!

I do believe the first step is to actually admit that you have a problem. And I do.

I was doing so well. Then the time came for the bake sale.

Damn it all to hell!




The Girl Scouts hold a bake sale for election day. Since I like to torture myself am involved in that organization, I not only had to sit and woman the table for 2 excruciatingly long hours, but I had to bake stuff for the stupid thing!

As if sitting there doing everything but poking my out with a spoon wasn't bad enough, I was surrounded by a bunch of 8 year old girls! Do you know what happens when one is surrounded by a gaggle of girls? It's not pretty. Nor is it quiet!

Enough bitching and back to my addiction.

I think it's time for me to come clean.


I am an addict.

My vice...

Peanut butter crackers, Reese's, Giardelli peanut butter filled squares (thank you, MIL!), PB&J, peanut butter and goldfish crackers...

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you. Truth be told, this is a serious problem. I need an intervention people!

Not only did I just take the midgets trick-or treating. And holy shit, did we get a ton of junk! But I had to sit at a table surrounded by baked goods. Some of which had peanut butter as an ingredient!



If anyone knows the number to Peanut Butter Anonymous, please send it my way! But could you do me a favor and wait until Monday? Mother Nature, aka Queen Bitch, has decided to throw that nasty 4 letter "s" word into the forecast this coming weekend. And I don't mean shit!

At least I hope not. If shit falls from the sky, I think it's safe to say we're all screwed!

Google trumps Web MD - Kind of

I had this issue earlier in the week. It lasted a few days and seems to be in the process of going away as I type.

Thank the stars!!


Out of the blue, it tasted like I had a spoon in my mouth. I remember years ago when my dad was going through chemo he had trouble eating. Mostly it was because chemo has a tendency to make one sick to their stomach. But another one of his problems was that everything tasted like metal. I never quite understood this.

Until now.

It was like I was sucking on a spoon like a baby sucks a pacifier!


Like any normal person would do in such a case, I turned to the interwebs. Thinking this issue fell in somewhere in the medical category, my first stop was Web MD.

I've used Web MD in the past. Not only to read about various medical stuff, but to use their symptom checker. It's a pretty cool tool and it really helped me out 2 summers ago when my face blew up like a fucking beach ball.

One of the first in the list of possible diagnoses was, in fact, what I had. A severe sinus infection. Which led to a whole other set of problems I won't go into right now. We'll just say certain antibiotics and Benedryl are not my friend!


Back to my issue at hand... I went right to the symptom checker. I entered my basic info - sex and age. I then clicked on the head of the bizarre looking alien-like person, and then proceeded to zoom in on the mouth. In the list of symptoms I clicked on "metallic taste in mouth".

The resulting answers did not answer my questions. In fact they scared the shit out of me!

In case you can't read the possible conditions, I'll spell it out.

• Medication reaction or side-effect
• Antibiotic use
• Poisoning

I am not currently taking any medication nor any antibiotics. And if I was taking something I am allergic to, a metallic taste is definitely not the side-effect. I still cringe at the effects resulting from my sinus infection! It was ugly. No, I was ugly!

So that leaves poisoning.

I tore apart my kitchen, reading every box and container and I did a mental checklist of everywhere I ate in the past week. Nothing out of the ordinary. That calmed my nerves some but then I started to panic. What if there was something in the house I couldn't see that was making me like this? So I went on a quest for a second opinion. In the form of Google.

I won't lie, some of the same possibilities were listed in my search results. That certainly didn't help with the "Oh shit! I've been poisoned and won't live to eat my kids' Halloween candy!" feeling. But I will say that after my reading I will be brushing the hell out of my teeth, drinking more water, and eating everything in sight. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, but since this nasty taste seems to be fading, I'm sticking with the "unknown reason" answer.

I think I now understand why the real doctors hate when patients turn to the interwebs rather than picking up the phone!